Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once set fire to my neighbor's gaudy yard art. My father, as apoplectic as a TV evangelist being audited by the IRS, told me to retrieve a kipper snack. He then ordered me into the cellar and set the embers of my wisdom to flame. To this day, I still faint at the sight of my blood. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to RNR today are the same. AW has feasted upon RNR as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield, emasculating them by the tune of 47-18 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. AW trails the all-time series 5-9 against RNR. AW has a 4-8 regular season record. RNR has a 6-6 regular season record. Larry Johnson shot, "Offensively, we saved our best for last, which is the best thing I can say for us. Heck, who am I kidding, man? Our best sucked." Jake Grove exclaimed, 'There's really no way that you can shut them down.We had to resort to some... dubious tactics to stay in the game at all. You don't want to see anyone get hurt seriously, but this defense of ours is different. We're coming to hit, we're coming to hurt. When we get the chance to deliver the punch, we are going to try to knock people out... now if only our opponents occasionally noticed, eh?" Things went very well for the AW squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 293 points, 174 on offense and 119 on defense. Reggie Bush with 24 points on offense and Ernie Sims with 11 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Tim Shoemaker, "I took exception to our execution on a few plays.. For one, David Thornton played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Medically speaking, his body should be donated to science, there's so much wrong with him. At least, that's gotta be the case given the number of plays he likes to take off . As for those DT? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with absolutely nothing over the course of the contest. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Chester Pitts. His hideous effort yielded a resigned sigh from his teammates. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Chester Pitts, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!" Terrence McGee added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!" There's no love lost between these two clubs. Tim Shoemaker waxed poetic, stating, "Oh, they're harmless... a bit annoying too, I guess... Kinda remind me of Barney or Big Bird..." In response, the RNR coach whined, "Sheesh... just mentioning their scaly hides makes me feel very unclean. They're wretched, infantile little sewer rats and I don't want to get dragged into a discussion about them. Any other questions? I need to bathe." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||