Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once tossed a frog in the microwave. My father, as angry as an animal rights activist stumbling into an NRA convention, told me to retrieve a sharpened stick. He then ordered me to the dark, dank closet and authored a novel on corporal punishment. Even now, twenty-six years later, the terror of that day lives on. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to DS today are the same. DH has demoralized DS as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution, emasculating them by the tune of 52-0 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. DH leads the all-time series 26-3 against DS. DH has a 9-3 regular season record (1-2 in this year's playoffs). DS has a 4-8 regular season record. Chester Taylor waxed poetic, stating, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Andrew Walter grumbled, "I told the guys that they were going to make a mistake somewhere and when they did it, I pulled up with a 'sore ankle' if ya catch my drift. No sense me gettin' blasted. When we're playing at our best, those mistakes don't happen and tonight definitely wasn't our night." Things went very well for the DH squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 334 points, 213 on offense and 121 on defense. Philip Rivers with 38 points on offense and Adrian Wilson with 22 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Raman Ohri, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Doug Gabriel was as sharp as a sponge today. That procedure he had a couple weeks back... labotomy, I think Doc said - well, that thing has done wonders for his game. He just stands in there and takes it now - play after play after play. No more of this whining about being too hurt. Doc is brilliant, I say. As for those K? They were utterly incompetent, gaining absolutely nothing throughout the course of their pitiful performance. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Roderick Hood. His horrible effort yielded a resigned sigh from his teammates. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Roderick Hood, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!" Roderick Hood added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!" Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Raman Ohri noted, "Gosh... why are you even wasting my time looking for a comment about them? They're kinda like cockroaches - to be sure, they occasionally crawl out of the woodwork to be seen by all, but usually, they're lurking somewhere out of sight." In response, the DS coach waxed poetic, stating, "Like 'em? No... not really. I'd rather strangle puppies in front of a dozen orphans than pull that wretched owner of theirs out of a burning building." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||