| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Southside Salamanders | 211 | 149 | 360 | 62 | | Home | Happy Valley Cougars | 129 | 107 | 236 | 0 |
| Happy Valley Cougars |
Southside Salamanders |
|---|
| I | Kelly Holcomb QB ??? | 0 |
| S | Kurt Warner QB ARI | 12 |
| S | John Navarre QB ARI | 0 |
| I | J.P. Losman QB BUF | 0 |
| S | Matt Leinart QB ARI | 0 |
| I | Craig Nall QB BUF | 0 |
| S | Dominic Raiola OC DET | 10 |
| I | Dylan Gandy OC/OG IND | 0 |
| I | Adam Snyder OG/OT SF | 0 |
| S | Alex Barron OT LAR | 6 |
| S | Matt Light OT NE | 9 |
| I | Brian Waters OG KC | 0 |
| S | Ben Hamilton OG DEN | 11 |
| S | Keydrick Vincent OG BAL | 6 |
| B | Chris Hetherington FB SF | 0 |
| B | Mack Strong FB SEA | 3 |
| B | Jeremi Johnson FB CIN | 1 |
| I | Lorenzo Neal FB LAC | 0 |
| B | Musa Smith RB BAL | 1 |
| S | Rudi Johnson RB CIN | 9 |
| B | Tatum Bell RB DEN | 5 |
| S | Laurence Maroney RB NE | 15 |
| I | Arliss Beach RB ??? | 0 |
| B | Jerious Norwood RB ATL | 0 |
| B | Troy Williamson WR MIN | 2 |
| I | Vincent Jackson WR LAC | 0 |
| S | Donte' Stallworth WR PHI | 0 |
| S | Dallas Clark TE IND | 15 |
| S | Vernon Davis TE SF | 9 |
| B | Tony Scheffler TE DEN | 3 |
| S | Kris Brown K HOU | 1 |
| I | Adam Vinatieri K IND | 0 |
| S | Atlanta OST ATL | 7 |
| I | Dallas OST DAL | 0 |
| S | Leonard Little DE LAR | 3 |
| I | Jamal Williams NT LAC | 0 |
| S | James Hall DE DET | 4 |
| S | Casey Hampton NT PIT | 3 |
| I | DeMarcus Ware OLB DAL | 0 |
| S | Matt McCoy OLB PHI | 4 |
| B | Chaun Thompson ILB CLE | 1 |
| I | Stephen Cooper ILB LAC | 0 |
| I | Bradie James ILB DAL | 0 |
| S | D'Qwell Jackson ILB CLE | 5 |
| S | Channing Crowder OLB MIA | 8 |
| S | Junior Seau LB NE | 9 |
| B | Bryan Thomas DE NYJ | 3 |
| I | Terence Newman CB DAL | 0 |
| B | Johnathan Joseph CB CIN | 3 |
| I | Marlon McCree S LAC | 0 |
| I | Dexter Jackson S CIN | 0 |
| S | DeAngelo Hall CB ATL | 1 |
| S | Josh Bullocks S NO | 12 |
| B | Kevin Kaesviharn S CIN | 9 |
| S | Kerry Rhodes S NYJ | 22 |
| S | Renaldo Hill CB MIA | 6 |
| B | Shaun Williams S CAR | 0 |
| B | Colin Branch S CAR | 2 |
| B | Travis Daniels CB MIA | 4 |
| B | Al Harris CB GB | 1 |
| S | Hunter Smith P IND | 6 |
| S | Miami DST MIA | 1 |
|
| S | Aaron Rodgers QB GB | 0 |
| S | Brett Favre QB GB | 49 |
| I | David Carr QB HOU | 0 |
| I | Quinton Porter QB ??? | 0 |
| I | Sage Rosenfels QB HOU | 0 |
| S | Ingle Martin QB GB | 0 |
| I | John Wade OC TB | 0 |
| S | Scott Wells OC/OG GB | 11 |
| S | Ruben Brown OG CHI | 8 |
| I | Bennie Anderson OG MIA | 0 |
| I | Mike Goff OG LAC | 0 |
| S | Todd Weiner OT ATL | 5 |
| I | Kwame Harris OT SF | 0 |
| S | Tra Thomas OT PHI | 10 |
| S | Jake Scott OG IND | 4 |
| S | Frank Gore RB SF | 9 |
| B | Ahman Green RB GB | 8 |
| I | Jerome Harrison RB CLE | 0 |
| B | Reggie Brown WR PHI | 5 |
| B | Greg Jennings WR GB | 5 |
| I | Mark Bradley WR CHI | 0 |
| S | Reggie Wayne WR IND | 16 |
| B | George Wrighster TE JAC | 5 |
| I | Courtney Anderson TE LV | 0 |
| S | Desmond Clark TE CHI | 13 |
| S | Chris Cooley TE WAS | 26 |
| S | Kellen Winslow TE CLE | 21 |
| B | Joe Klopfenstein TE LAR | 2 |
| I | Casey Fitzsimmons TE DET | 0 |
| B | Owen Daniels TE HOU | 3 |
| I | Matt Bryant K TB | 0 |
| S | Rian Lindell K BUF | 8 |
| S | Detroit OST DET | 3 |
| I | Greg Ellis DE DAL | 0 |
| S | Dwight Freeney DE IND | 0 |
| S | Kelly Gregg NT BAL | 9 |
| S | Lance Briggs OLB CHI | 7 |
| S | Keith Bulluck OLB TEN | 10 |
| B | Ryan Nece OLB TB | 0 |
| B | Scott Shanle ILB NO | 4 |
| I | Chad Greenway OLB ??? | 0 |
| B | Daryl Smith OLB JAC | 4 |
| B | Manny Lawson OLB SF | 3 |
| S | Andra Davis ILB CLE | 6 |
| S | Larry Foote ILB PIT | 14 |
| I | Barry Gardner ILB ??? | 0 |
| B | D.J. Williams OLB DEN | 5 |
| B | Donnie Spragan OLB MIA | 1 |
| B | Brady Poppinga LB GB | 4 |
| B | Corey Webster CB NYG | 6 |
| S | Kelly Herndon CB SEA | 4 |
| S | Alex Brown DE CHI | 5 |
| S | Rashean Mathis CB JAC | 6 |
| B | Sheldon Brown CB PHI | 2 |
| S | Sean Jones S CLE | 8 |
| I | Daniel Bullocks S DET | 0 |
| I | Stuart Schweigert S LV | 0 |
| B | Mike McKenzie CB NO | 4 |
| B | C.C. Brown S HOU | 4 |
| I | Jason Allen DB MIA | 0 |
| S | Nick Collins S GB | 11 |
| S | Derrick Frost P WAS | 20 |
| I | Craig Hentrich P TEN | 0 |
| S | Cincinnati DST CIN | 12 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
Kerry Rhodes shot, "We had a chance at the beginning, man. We hung in there through the opening kickoff. We fought, but after that, we just didn't get her done. It's a bit disappointing, to be sure." Well no kidding, Einstein. WLR was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. awful. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by WLR on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football.
So now the series stands SRS leads the all-time series 14-0 against WLR. SRS has a 8-0 regular season record. WLR has a 6-2 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw SRS has beaten WLR as though they were palace eunuchs in a wrestling match 62-0 in front of a despondent home crowd.
They were almost perfect on the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 360 points, 211 on offense and 149 on defense. J.P. Losman with 22 points on offense and Keith Bulluck with 10 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, team goat of the game goes to Jake Scott. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..."
Says Jake Scott, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this."
Kelly Gregg added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master."
"Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Allen Cummings groaned, "Hitler, Stalin... perhaps a few others... yeah, he belongs on that exclusive list, if you catch my drift. I sleep well at night, but given all the people he's no doubt stomped on to get where he is, I doubt the same can be said of him." In response, the WLR coach gurgled, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" |
