Boxscore
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press) Carson Palmer noted, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Well no kidding, Einstein. LLL was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. OK, so not everyone who wears the uniform should be allowed to suit up. Such is most certainly the case for Darren Sharper, the greatest goat this side of the fairytale land of satyrs, unicorns, pixies, and winning LLL seasons. This journalist found himself maintaining sanity amidst the botched stumbling of Carson Palmer and his sidekicks by drinking heavily and choking down moldy peanuts. Now, to LLL's credit, they willingly subjected themselves to this game, knowing full well how it was likely to turn out, but I place a great deal of blame on DH for opting for this game over a likely more challenging foray against the Vienna Boy's Choir. So now the series stands DH leads the all-time series 25-3 against LLL. DH has a 9-3 regular season record (1-2 in this year's playoffs). LLL has a 1-11 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw DH has staggered LLL like a bloated spider engorging on the tender underbelly of a common house fly 30-18 in front of a despondent home crowd. Things went very well for the DH squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 268 points, 163 on offense and 105 on defense. Marcedes Lewis with 0 points on offense and Adrian Wilson with 6 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player of the game goes to Marcedes Lewis. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Marcedes Lewis, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Marcedes Lewis added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Raman Ohri blathered, "I suppose every league needs a doormat. I feel some degree of scorn for them to be sure, but mostly, I just shake my head and watch them bumble their way from game to game with a sense of detached amusement." In response, the LLL coach groaned, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||