Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once tossed a frog in the microwave. My father, as angered as an environmentalist stuck in a room full of Bolivian slash-n-burn agriculturalists, told me to retrieve a sharpened stick. He then pulled me to the dark, dank closet and taught me the meaning of life. Even now, twenty-six years later, the terror of that day lives on. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to WLR today are the same. DH has repelled WLR as though they were palace eunuchs in a wrestling match, whipping them by the tune of 16-0 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. DH leads the all-time series 5-1 against WLR. DH has a 4-1 regular season record. WLR has a 3-2 regular season record. Philip Rivers blathered, "Whoa... we got our backends handed to us today and that's for sure. Coach is steering us toward a high draft pick and a wasted season. I can only hope that he trades me to someone capable of winning before my career ends." Matt Light groaned, "I told the guys that they were going to make a mistake somewhere and when they did it, I pulled up with a 'sore ankle' if ya catch my drift. No sense me gettin' blasted. When we're playing at our best, those mistakes don't happen and tonight definitely wasn't our night." Things went very well for the DH squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 248 points, 133 on offense and 115 on defense. Marcedes Lewis with 12 points on offense and Mike Scifres with 8 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Raman Ohri, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Vince Wilfork played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc was tellin' me that he's seen all the telltale signs of... oh, I forget the medical term for it, but basically, he's a screw-up because he just isn't that bright when you get right down to it. Shoulda known when my scouts mentioned that he rode the short bus. As for those OG/OT? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with absolutely nothing while taking the day off. Overall though, the Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man in this game was Leonard Little. His nasty effort yielded nothing but the scorn of his teammates. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..." Says Leonard Little, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Mark Tauscher added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Raman Ohri blathered, "He and his lecherous team of cub scouts have all the football grace of a French eunuch trying to ride a bull suffering from mad cow's disease while reciting the Gettysburg Address." In response, the WLR coach quipped, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||