Boxscore
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press) Alex Smith whined, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Well no kidding, Einstein. BB was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. inept. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by BB on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football. So now the series stands SC trails the all-time series 7-8 against BB. SC has a 5-7 regular season record (0-1 in this year's playoffs). BB has a 8-4 regular season record (1-1 in this year's playoffs). The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw SC has publically emasculated BB as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield 34-5 in front of a despondent home crowd. They were almost perfect on the SC squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 312 points, 183 on offense and 129 on defense. Eli Manning with 37 points on offense and Richard Marshall with 17 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, team goat of the game goes to Kellen Clemens. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Kellen Clemens, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Mike Nugent added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Matthew R. Watson stated, "Gosh... why are you even wasting my time looking for a comment about them? They're kinda like cockroaches - to be sure, they occasionally crawl out of the woodwork to be seen by all, but usually, they're lurking somewhere out of sight." In response, the BB coach stated, "That owner of theirs kinda reminds me of a Matt Millen and Michael Jackson hybrid... all bluster, melting face, questionable personal tastes... not exactly the kind of person I'd invite to my child's birthday party." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||