Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once set fire to my neighbor's gaudy yard art. My father, as apoplectic as a TV evangelist being audited by the IRS, told me to retrieve a meat cleaver. He then shoved me into the cellar and taught me the meaning of life. That was the day that I lost my left arm. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to TH today are the same. SRS has feasted upon TH like a bloated spider engorging on the tender underbelly of a common house fly, crushing them by the tune of 35-9 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. SRS trails the all-time series 1-2 against TH. SRS has a 12-0 regular season record (2-0 in this year's playoffs). TH has a 2-10 regular season record. Clinton Portis noted, "They came at us with some tough schemes, but we were able to put a few decent plays together. I think we can move the ball against anyone, stop anyone and we just didn't execute today." Greg Ellis noted, "Oh fo real, man. Ya see, I is da real thing. Dose drops, man. Dat weren't my fault, dawg. Th playa wuz trowing too hard and I run the wrong play jus so's he can't find me. No sense me breakin' my assets, man... No sense me making it on 'Jacked Up' or nothin'. No matter... I be back, bro. Expect numba ME to grab up 60 scores this season, yo. Dem otha's, man? I gonna steal the show. They's amateurs spelt wit a capital E." Things went very well for the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 345 points, 199 on offense and 146 on defense. Rian Lindell with 8 points on offense and Tamba Hali with 16 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "We had a few breakdowns. . For one, D.J. Williams was as sharp as a sponge today. I've been working with Doc on a revolutionary new procedure... I won't go into the full details right now, but let's just say that he won't have an any excuse for dropping the damned ball anymore. As for those OST? They were utterly incompetent, gaining absolutely nothing over the course of the contest. Overall though, the Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man in this game was Rian Lindell. His awful effort yielded a venom-filled snarl of anger from his position coach. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Rian Lindell, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Rian Lindell added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " There's no love lost between these two clubs. Allen Cummings groaned, "Sheesh... just mentioning their scaly hides makes me feel very unclean. They're wretched, infantile little sewer rats and I don't want to get dragged into a discussion about them. Any other questions? I need to bathe." In response, the TH coach said, "Like 'em? No... not really. I'd rather strangle puppies in front of a dozen orphans than pull that wretched owner of theirs out of a burning building." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||