Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. RNR is quite the inept team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by DH. Yikes! RNR has just completed a game in which they, proverbially speaking, tossed my sister's Barbie doll collection into a corn thrasher. To point fingers after this debacle would be unfair given that this most assuredly was a team effort - and that's the only positive spin I can put on the game. Marc Bulger noted, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Tony Parrish gurgled, "Das why I get paid da big bucks, dawg! Ooh baby I was hot out there! Now if only dey woulda gotten me in on some plays we'da been breakin' scoring records and stuff! Offense, defense... don' matter to numba me... just wish them others around me would understand my value." DH has senselessly deluged RNR like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den, stomping their dead, bloated corpses by the tune of 58-39 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. DH leads the all-time series 7-3 against RNR. DH has a 9-3 regular season record (1-2 in this year's playoffs). RNR has a 6-6 regular season record. They were almost perfect on the DH squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 292 points, 204 on offense and 88 on defense. Philip Rivers with 51 points on offense and Mike Scifres with 16 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Raman Ohri, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Javon Walker was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Doc says that he secretes some sort of viscous slime from his arms when he gets hot. This in turn makes the ball, his uniform, his hands, whatever - kinda slick. If you look at many of his 3789 miscues over the year, you can see that often times, nobody even touches him and he falls down, the ball slips out of his hands, or he misfires on a play. As for those OST? They were utterly incompetent, gaining absolutely nothing while taking the day off. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Charlie Whitehurst. There's no love lost between these two clubs. Raman Ohri groaned, "Like 'em? No... not really. I'd rather strangle puppies in front of a dozen orphans than pull that wretched owner of theirs out of a burning building." In response, the RNR coach waxed poetic, stating, "He and his lecherous team of cub scouts have all the football grace of a French eunuch trying to ride a bull suffering from mad cow's disease while reciting the Gettysburg Address." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||