Boxscore
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press) Matt Leinart droned, "How about that offense, huh? Theirs, I mean, not ours. I pulled myself 'cause I didn't want to go in there and make anything worse.Yeah, this is going to be the nature of our team." Well no kidding, Einstein. HVC was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to TB for pulling out our last jar of dried beef, stomping their dead, bloated corpses and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game. So now the series stands TB leads the all-time series 3-1 against HVC. TB has a 9-3 regular season record (1-1 in this year's playoffs). HVC has a 5-7 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw TB has senselessly deluged HVC as though they were horses being sent to the glue factory 28-0 in front of a despondent home crowd. Things went very well for the TB squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 274 points, 168 on offense and 106 on defense. Kyle Boller with 28 points on offense and Osi Umenyiora with 14 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man of the game goes to Steve McNair. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Steve McNair, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Kyle Kosier added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Tim Marshall droned, "I feel kinda sorry for them, to be honest. I mean, how can you be that inept, that pitiable? I guess they occasionally get my blood flowing, but for the most part, playing them is about as exciting as rearranging my sock drawer." In response, the HVC coach waxed poetic, stating, "Thinking about them forces me to draw parallels between them and the Bulgarians." He was quick to add, "Erm, the Byzantine Empire had to deal with those clods... made themselves quite a nuisance 'til Basil crushed 'em and cut their eyes out - well, he left a couple of 'em with one eye so's they could guide the others home. I can't help but think that motivations such as that would help their cause." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||