Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once gave my brother's coin collection to a pair of destitute carnies. My father, as unhappy as a politician running for re-election while in the midst of another scandal, told me to retrieve our last jar of dried beef. He then pulled me into the cellar and pummeled me within inches of my life. To this day, I still faint at the sight of my blood. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to HVC today are the same. DS has feasted upon HVC as though they were palace eunuchs in a wrestling match, emasculating them by the tune of 34-23 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. DS trails the all-time series 4-5 against HVC. DS has a 4-8 regular season record. HVC has a 5-7 regular season record. Mack Strong grumbled, "The win, see... dat's da importan' thing, peace, bro." When confronted with the reality that they had, in fact, lost, he blushed and added, "Yo man I ain't stupid or nothin'. I ain't talkin' 'bout no darned game... I mean them individual plays. That 3rd and 18 we had in the third quarter? You man, we gained six - count 'em, six yards on that play! That was an awesome end-around, man!" Nnamdi Asomugha quipped, 'There's really no way that you can shut them down.We had to resort to some... dubious tactics to stay in the game at all. You don't want to see anyone get hurt seriously, but this defense of ours is different. We're coming to hit, we're coming to hurt. When we get the chance to deliver the punch, we are going to try to knock people out... now if only our opponents occasionally noticed, eh?" Things went very well for the DS squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 256 points, 165 on offense and 91 on defense. Seneca Wallace with 30 points on offense and Jared Allen with 24 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Jeffrey Leiss, "There were some mental breakdowns on both sides of the ball.. For one, Jordan Beck was as sharp as a sponge today. Medically speaking, his body should be donated to science, there's so much wrong with him. At least, that's gotta be the case given the number of plays he likes to take off . As for those DST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 3 Punt returns defended, 104 Defended punt return yardage, 34.7 Defended punt return average, 2 Defended punt returns / fair catch, 81 Defended punt returns / long, 5 Defended kickoff returns, 133 Defended kickoff return yardage, 26.6 Defended kickoff return average, 47 Longest kickoff return allowed over the course of the contest. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Jordan Beck. His horrible effort yielded a resigned sigh from his teammates. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Jordan Beck, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Michael Clayton added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Jeffrey Leiss shot, "Who? I didn't realize they were still in the league." In response, the HVC coach whined, "They stink, not in that 'festering sewage inside a porta-potty next to a dead, bloated cow floating in a culvert' way, but more in the 'the Vienna Boy's Choir has more football talent' way." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||