| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Westside Smoke | 148 | 118 | 266 | 22 | | Home | For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge | 173 | 104 | 277 | 28 |
| For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge |
Westside Smoke |
|---|
| S | Jamie Martin QB NO | 0 |
| I | Jon Kitna QB DET | 0 |
| I | Josh McCown QB DET | 0 |
| I | Dan Orlovsky QB ??? | 0 |
| S | Drew Brees QB NO | 52 |
| S | Shaun O'Hara OC NYG | 6 |
| I | Jahri Evans OT NO | 0 |
| S | Justin Smiley OG SF | 5 |
| I | Chris Spencer OC SEA | 0 |
| S | Steve Hutchinson OG MIN | 3 |
| S | Chad Clifton OT GB | 10 |
| I | Shawn Andrews OG PHI | 0 |
| I | Max Starks OT PIT | 0 |
| S | George Foster OT DEN | 8 |
| S | Justin Griffith FB ATL | 12 |
| B | Brandon Miree FB GB | 0 |
| B | Jamal Lewis RB BAL | 5 |
| I | Correll Buckhalter RB PHI | 0 |
| S | Reggie Bush RB NO | 8 |
| I | DeShaun Foster RB CAR | 0 |
| B | Plaxico Burress WR NYG | 0 |
| S | Chris Chambers WR MIA | 18 |
| S | Brandon Stokley WR IND | 0 |
| S | Eric Johnson TE SF | 13 |
| B | Ben Troupe TE TEN | 3 |
| I | Matt Schobel TE PHI | 0 |
| B | Bryan Fletcher TE IND | 1 |
| B | Visanthe Shiancoe TE NYG | 3 |
| I | Jeff Reed K PIT | 0 |
| S | Dave Rayner K GB | 5 |
| S | Cleveland OST CLE | 17 |
| S | Luis Castillo DE LAC | 6 |
| I | Seth Payne DT HOU | 0 |
| S | John Thornton DT CIN | 2 |
| S | Richard Seymour DE NE | 3 |
| S | Ellis Wyms DT TB | 1 |
| I | Erasmus James DE MIN | 0 |
| S | Scott Fujita OLB NO | 6 |
| B | Shaun Phillips OLB LAC | 0 |
| B | Kawika Mitchell MLB KC | 4 |
| B | Marcus Washington OLB WAS | 7 |
| B | David Thornton OLB TEN | 0 |
| B | Parys Haralson OLB SF | 1 |
| S | Ernie Sims OLB DET | 8 |
| B | Abdul Hodge MLB GB | 0 |
| I | Dan Morgan MLB CAR | 0 |
| S | Teddy Lehman MLB DET | 2 |
| B | Barrett Ruud MLB TB | 4 |
| S | Ike Taylor CB PIT | 9 |
| B | Kelly Jennings CB SEA | 1 |
| B | Adam Jones CB TEN | 0 |
| S | Terrence McGee CB BUF | 6 |
| B | Deon Grant S JAC | 3 |
| S | Glenn Earl S HOU | 9 |
| I | Sean Considine S PHI | 0 |
| I | Michael Lewis S PHI | 0 |
| S | Ko Simpson S BUF | 14 |
| B | Renaldo Hill CB MIA | 6 |
| I | Justin Miller CB NYJ | 0 |
| S | Josh Miller P NE | 8 |
| I | Atlanta DST ATL | 0 |
| S | Cleveland DST CLE | 4 |
|
| I | Damon Huard QB KC | 0 |
| I | Trent Green QB KC | 0 |
| S | Brian St. Pierre QB ??? | 0 |
| I | Brodie Croyle QB KC | 0 |
| S | Ben Roethlisberger QB PIT | 38 |
| S | Charlie Batch QB PIT | 0 |
| S | Jeff Saturday OC IND | 4 |
| I | Seth McKinney OC/OG ??? | 0 |
| I | Rob Sims OG SEA | 0 |
| S | Daryn Colledge OG/OT GB | 10 |
| I | Geoff Hangartner OC/OG CAR | 0 |
| S | Derrick Dockery OG/OT WAS | 7 |
| S | Shane Olivea OT LAC | 10 |
| I | John Tait OT CHI | 0 |
| S | Ryan Diem OT IND | 4 |
| S | Clinton Portis RB WAS | 18 |
| I | Maurice Hicks RB SF | 0 |
| B | Noah Herron RB GB | 5 |
| S | Mike Furrey WR DET | 12 |
| B | Wes Welker WR MIA | 2 |
| S | Eric Moulds WR HOU | 6 |
| I | Santana Moss WR WAS | 0 |
| S | Bernard Berrian WR CHI | 2 |
| S | Torry Holt WR LAR | 9 |
| I | Brad Smith WR NYJ | 0 |
| B | Matt Jones WR JAC | 3 |
| S | Jeff Wilkins K LAR | 7 |
| I | Mike Vanderjagt K DAL | 0 |
| S | Indianapolis OST IND | 11 |
| S | Kyle Vanden Bosch DE TEN | 6 |
| B | Robert Geathers DE CIN | 2 |
| I | Montae Reagor DT IND | 0 |
| B | Keith Traylor DT MIA | 1 |
| I | Shaun Rogers DT DET | 0 |
| S | Brian Young DT NO | 6 |
| S | Michael Myers DT DEN | 2 |
| B | Marques Douglas DE SF | 5 |
| B | Ryan Denney DE BUF | 2 |
| B | Jimmy Kennedy DT LAR | 2 |
| S | Tamba Hali DE KC | 2 |
| I | Gerald Hayes MLB ARI | 0 |
| I | Karlos Dansby OLB ARI | 0 |
| S | Brandon Chillar OLB LAR | 4 |
| B | Nick Greisen OLB JAC | 2 |
| S | Brian Urlacher MLB CHI | 13 |
| B | Marques Harris LB LAC | 9 |
| S | Julian Peterson OLB SEA | 8 |
| I | Kelvin Hayden CB IND | 0 |
| B | Ralph Brown CB CLE | 3 |
| B | Reynaldo Hill CB TEN | 2 |
| S | Asante Samuel CB NE | 12 |
| B | Kevin Mathis CB ATL | 0 |
| S | Nate Clements CB BUF | 10 |
| B | Pat Watkins S DAL | 0 |
| B | Brian Russell S CLE | 3 |
| I | Roman Harper S NO | 0 |
| B | Terrence Holt S DET | 1 |
| S | Todd Johnson S CHI | 2 |
| S | Oshiomogho Atogwe S LAR | 1 |
| B | Cameron Worrell DB CHI | 1 |
| I | Tank Williams DB ??? | 0 |
| I | Kyle Larson P CIN | 0 |
| S | Brad Maynard P CHI | 12 |
| I | Mitch Berger P ??? | 0 |
| S | Minnesota DST MIN | 7 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
If Jon Kitna's body of work exemplifies the high-point of your weekend, you know that you're on the losing end of a sordid, sick joke of a game. Words utterly fail to describe this romp into the realms of ineptitude. When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Standing here in the garish, filth-ridden stands of this now-empty stadium after the game, I got to thinking - such is truly the fate of both fans of the TH squad. In the end, this team is just hopeless.
And so now it stands that AW leads the all-time series 6-2 against TH. AW has a 4-8 regular season record. TH has a 2-10 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw AW has repelled TH as though they were an all you can eat buffet residing next to a weight-watcher's clinic 28-22 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd.
They looked unstoppable on the AW squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 277 points, 173 on offense and 104 on defense. Drew Brees with 52 points on offense and Ernie Sims with 8 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Tim Shoemaker, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Kelvin Hayden was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Doc says that he secretes some sort of viscous slime from his arms when he gets hot. This in turn makes the ball, his uniform, his hands, whatever - kinda slick. If you look at many of his 3789 miscues over the year, you can see that often times, nobody even touches him and he falls down, the ball slips out of his hands, or he misfires on a play. As for those DT? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with absolutely nothing throughout the course of their pitiful performance. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Kelvin Hayden. His hideous effort yielded as many positives as a hydrogen ion.
Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Tim Shoemaker exclaimed, "They stink, not in that 'festering sewage inside a porta-potty next to a dead, bloated cow floating in a culvert' way, but more in the 'the Vienna Boy's Choir has more football talent' way." In response, the TH coach blathered, "I feel kinda sorry for them, to be honest. I mean, how can you be that inept, that pitiable? I guess they occasionally get my blood flowing, but for the most part, playing them is about as exciting as rearranging my sock drawer." |
