Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once set fire to my neighbor's gaudy yard art. My father, as angered as an environmentalist stuck in a room full of Bolivian slash-n-burn agriculturalists, told me to retrieve our last jar of dried beef. He then drew me over to our hairdresser's house and placated the natives with my pain. To this day, I still faint at the sight of my blood. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to TB today are the same. AW prostrated TB as though they were palace eunuchs in a wrestling match, bludgeoning them by the tune of 63-25 in front of a despondent home crowd. AW trails the all-time series 2-7 against TB. AW has a 4-8 regular season record. TB has a 9-3 regular season record (1-1 in this year's playoffs). Steve McNair considered this when he said, "Whoa... we got our backends handed to us today and that's for sure. Coach is steering us toward a high draft pick and a wasted season. I can only hope that he trades me to someone capable of winning before my career ends." Osi Umenyiora said, "I told the guys that they were going to make a mistake somewhere and when they did it, I pulled up with a 'sore ankle' if ya catch my drift. No sense me gettin' blasted. When we're playing at our best, those mistakes don't happen and tonight definitely wasn't our night." They looked unstoppable on the AW squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 346 points, 225 on offense and 121 on defense. Reggie Bush with 55 points on offense and Kawika Mitchell with 17 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Tim Shoemaker, "Sure, I'm a bit concerned about a few things.. For one, Ernie Sims performed like a spasmodic violinist. That procedure he had a couple weeks back... labotomy, I think Doc said - well, that thing has done wonders for his game. He just stands in there and takes it now - play after play after play. No more of this whining about being too hurt. Doc is brilliant, I say. As for those OST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with absolutely nothing over the course of the contest. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Matt Roth. His useless effort yielded a seat alone on the ride home. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..." Says Matt Roth, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Chris Chambers added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." There's no love lost between these two clubs. Tim Shoemaker shot, "Sheesh... just mentioning their scaly hides makes me feel very unclean. They're wretched, infantile little sewer rats and I don't want to get dragged into a discussion about them. Any other questions? I need to bathe." In response, the TB coach whined, "They stink, not in that 'festering sewage inside a porta-potty next to a dead, bloated cow floating in a culvert' way, but more in the 'the Vienna Boy's Choir has more football talent' way." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||