Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. BB is quite the disgusting team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by LLL. disgusting. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by BB on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football. Jay Cutler exclaimed, "The win, see... dat's da importan' thing, peace, bro." When confronted with the reality that they had, in fact, lost, he blushed and added, "Yo man I ain't stupid or nothin'. I ain't talkin' 'bout no darned game... I mean them individual plays. That 3rd and 18 we had in the third quarter? You man, we gained six - count 'em, six yards on that play! That was an awesome end-around, man!" Santonio Holmes shot, "Oh fo real, man. Ya see, I is da real thing. Dose drops, man. Dat weren't my fault, dawg. Th playa wuz trowing too hard and I run the wrong play jus so's he can't find me. No sense me breakin' my assets, man... No sense me making it on 'Jacked Up' or nothin'. No matter... I be back, bro. Expect numba ME to grab up 60 scores this season, yo. Dem otha's, man? I gonna steal the show. They's amateurs spelt wit a capital E." LLL overwhelming BB as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield, maiming their egos by the tune of 37-35 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. LLL leads the all-time series 12-11 against BB. LLL has a 1-0 regular season record. BB has a 0-1 regular season record. They looked unstoppable on the LLL squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 241 points, 168 on offense and 73 on defense. Matt Forte with 27 points on offense and Rodney Harrison with 14 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Scott Lawrence, "We had a few breakdowns. . For one, Kevin Shaffer was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Doc says that if he spent a little more time working off the flubber in his midsection than 'clubbing' and getting fat on the buck-a-bucket combo at the KFC, well, his medical list wouldn't read like a copy of 'War and Peace'. Back in my day, 'clubbing' was something untoward that you did to baby seals . As for those DST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing absolutely nothing instead of playing. Overall though, the Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. in this game was Derrick Burgess. "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Scott Lawrence exclaimed, "Let's see... something nice to say? Well, they're not the most repugnant team out there, but that's kinda like saying that Shockey isn't as annoying as that Owens clown." In response, the BB coach waxed poetic, stating, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||