Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. MHD is quite the revolting team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by SRS. revolting. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by MHD on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football. Plaxico Burress considered this when he said, "Whoa... we got our backends handed to us today and that's for sure. Coach is steering us toward a high draft pick and a wasted season. I can only hope that he trades me to someone capable of winning before my career ends." Byron Leftwich groaned, "I'm very disappointed in myself, the way I played as one of the 60 leaders on this football team. It starts with me watching someone get the ball into the hands of the right guy and watch him making the plays... cheering on the others making the tackles... I did that. That falls on me. We're not going to win football games if they don't do their part." SRS has staggered MHD as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield, overcoming their foes by the tune of 62-24 in front of a despondent home crowd. SRS leads the all-time series 24-0 against MHD. SRS has a 1-0 regular season record. MHD has a 0-1 regular season record. They were almost perfect on the SRS squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 363 points, 245 on offense and 118 on defense. Aaron Rodgers with 42 points on offense and Channing Crowder with 11 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "There were some mental breakdowns on both sides of the ball.. For one, Frank Gore was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Doc was tellin' me that he's seen all the telltale signs of... oh, I forget the medical term for it, but basically, he's a screw-up because he just isn't that bright when you get right down to it. Shoulda known when my scouts mentioned that he rode the short bus. As for those OC/OG? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with absolutely nothing instead of playing. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Dennis Norman. "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Allen Cummings shot, "I feel kinda sorry for them, to be honest. I mean, how can you be that inept, that pitiable? I guess they occasionally get my blood flowing, but for the most part, playing them is about as exciting as rearranging my sock drawer." In response, the MHD coach grumbled, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||