| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge | 180 | 112 | 292 | 35 | | Home | Punxsutawney Chucks | 140 | 110 | 250 | 14 |
| Punxsutawney Chucks |
For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge |
|---|
| S | Alex Smith QB ??? | 0 |
| S | J.T. O'Sullivan QB SF | 7 |
| I | Matt Leinart QB ARI | 0 |
| I | Brian St. Pierre QB ??? | 0 |
| S | Shaun Hill QB SF | 0 |
| I | Kurt Warner QB ARI | 0 |
| I | Chris Myers OC/OG HOU | 0 |
| S | Jamaal Jackson OC PHI | 17 |
| I | Jason Brown OG BAL | 0 |
| S | Jacob Bell OG ??? | 0 |
| S | Alan Faneca OG NYJ | 3 |
| S | Marvel Smith OT ??? | 9 |
| S | Levi Brown OT ARI | 3 |
| I | Gosder Cherilus OT DET | 0 |
| B | Warrick Dunn RB TB | 2 |
| S | Selvin Young RB DEN | 10 |
| B | Rashard Mendenhall RB PIT | 1 |
| B | DeShaun Foster RB SF | 1 |
| B | LaMont Jordan RB NE | 0 |
| S | Brandon Jackson RB GB | 3 |
| B | Ray Rice RB BAL | 2 |
| I | Tatum Bell RB DEN | 0 |
| I | Correll Buckhalter RB PHI | 0 |
| S | Braylon Edwards WR CLE | 3 |
| S | Roddy White WR ATL | 7 |
| B | Muhsin Muhammad WR CAR | 4 |
| B | Michael Gaines TE DET | 2 |
| B | Reggie Kelly TE CIN | 1 |
| S | L.J. Smith TE PHI | 30 |
| S | Jeff Reed K PIT | 9 |
| I | Matt Prater K DEN | 0 |
| S | Buffalo OST BUF | 22 |
| I | Kenechi Udeze DE ??? | 0 |
| S | Raheem Brock DT IND | 3 |
| I | Alex Hall LB CLE | 0 |
| I | Derrick Harvey DE JAC | 0 |
| S | Glenn Dorsey DT KC | 1 |
| S | Elvis Dumervil DE DEN | 2 |
| S | Gaines Adams DE TB | 2 |
| B | Brodrick Bunkley DT PHI | 1 |
| B | Chike Okeafor OLB ARI | 2 |
| B | Ben Leber OLB MIN | 1 |
| S | Michael Boley OLB ATL | 9 |
| S | LaMarr Woodley OLB PIT | 17 |
| S | Paul Posluszny MLB BUF | 7 |
| B | Rocky McIntosh OLB WAS | 4 |
| I | Dan Connor LB CAR | 0 |
| B | Barrett Ruud MLB TB | 6 |
| I | Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie CB ARI | 0 |
| B | Bryant McFadden CB PIT | 3 |
| S | Sheldon Brown CB PHI | 2 |
| I | Dunta Robinson CB HOU | 0 |
| B | Anthony Henry CB DAL | 2 |
| S | Aaron Ross CB NYG | 10 |
| B | Tye Hill CB LAR | 3 |
| B | Ryan Clark S PIT | 4 |
| S | Antoine Bethea S IND | 7 |
| I | Abram Elam S NYJ | 0 |
| S | Eric Weddle S LAC | 10 |
| S | Sam Koch P BAL | 12 |
| S | New England DST NE | 2 |
| I | Oakland DST LV | 0 |
|
| I | David Carr QB NYG | 0 |
| I | Eli Manning QB NYG | 0 |
| S | Drew Brees QB NO | 39 |
| S | Tyler Palko QB ??? | 0 |
| S | Jason Spitz OC/OG GB | 9 |
| I | David Baas OC/OG SF | 0 |
| S | Jeromey Clary OT LAC | 7 |
| S | Jahri Evans OG NO | 8 |
| I | Chris Spencer OC SEA | 0 |
| S | Shawn Andrews OT ??? | 16 |
| S | Chad Clifton OT GB | 9 |
| I | Ryan Clady OT DEN | 0 |
| I | Dominic Rhodes RB IND | 0 |
| S | Jamal Lewis RB CLE | 9 |
| I | Mike Hart RB IND | 0 |
| I | Jalen Parmele RB BAL | 0 |
| B | Justin Gage WR TEN | 1 |
| I | Brad Smith WR/RB NYJ | 0 |
| S | Marques Colston WR NO | 7 |
| I | Donnie Avery WR LAR | 0 |
| S | Reggie Wayne WR IND | 28 |
| B | Tory Humphrey TE GB | 3 |
| S | Chris Cooley TE WAS | 6 |
| B | Alge Crumpler TE TEN | 2 |
| S | Owen Daniels TE HOU | 10 |
| B | Gijon Robinson TE IND | 1 |
| I | Josh Scobee K JAC | 0 |
| S | Josh Brown K LAR | 4 |
| S | Jacksonville OST JAC | 21 |
| S | Cory Redding DT DET | 3 |
| S | Antwan Odom DE CIN | 1 |
| B | Jay Richardson DE LV | 2 |
| S | Adam Carriker DT LAR | 1 |
| B | Jamaal Anderson DE ATL | 0 |
| S | Darryl Tapp DE SEA | 2 |
| I | Cullen Jenkins DE GB | 0 |
| I | Johnny Jolly DT GB | 0 |
| S | Shaun Phillips OLB LAC | 14 |
| B | Stewart Bradley MLB PHI | 7 |
| B | Daryl Smith OLB JAC | 3 |
| S | Ernie Sims OLB DET | 7 |
| S | Lofa Tatupu MLB SEA | 8 |
| I | Shawn Crable LB ??? | 0 |
| B | Brady Poppinga OLB GB | 4 |
| S | Ronde Barber CB TB | 5 |
| B | Kelvin Hayden CB IND | 2 |
| B | Kelly Jennings CB SEA | 3 |
| B | Chris Houston CB ATL | 2 |
| B | Ken Lucas CB CAR | 1 |
| S | Cortland Finnegan CB TEN | 17 |
| S | Bernard Pollard S KC | 7 |
| B | James Sanders S NE | 2 |
| B | Brodney Pool S CLE | 0 |
| S | Tanard Jackson S TB | 9 |
| B | Darren Sharper S MIN | 2 |
| S | Andy Lee P SF | 5 |
| I | Adam Podlesh P JAC | 0 |
| S | Jacksonville DST JAC | 5 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
L.J. Smith blathered, "At least we weren't as bad as those '02 Flathead Cats... Yo, I'm trying to put a positive spin on this if you catch my drift. Gosh... we're hopeless." Well no kidding, Einstein. PC was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. OK, so not everyone who wears the uniform should be allowed to suit up. Such is most certainly the case for Jacob Bell, the greatest goat this side of the fairytale land of satyrs, unicorns, pixies, and winning PC seasons. This journalist found himself maintaining sanity amidst the botched stumbling of L.J. Smith and his sidekicks by drinking heavily and choking down moldy peanuts. Now, to PC's credit, they willingly subjected themselves to this game, knowing full well how it was likely to turn out, but I place a great deal of blame on AW for opting for this game over a likely more challenging foray against the Vienna Boy's Choir.
So now the series stands AW leads the all-time series 7-4 against PC. AW has a 1-0 regular season record. PC has a 0-1 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw AW bludgeoning PC like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den 35-14 in front of a despondent home crowd.
Things went very well for the AW squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 292 points, 180 on offense and 112 on defense. Drew Brees with 39 points on offense and Cortland Finnegan with 17 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, team goat of the game goes to Chris Spencer. I've come up with a
motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..."
Says Chris Spencer, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal."
Cory Redding added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated
Valkyrie... Man...
brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.'
"
"Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Tim Shoemaker considered this when he said, "I feel kinda sorry for them, to be honest. I mean, how can you be that inept, that pitiable? I guess they occasionally get my blood flowing, but for the most part, playing them is about as exciting as rearranging my sock drawer." In response, the PC coach considered this when he said, "Oh, they're harmless... a bit annoying too, I guess... Kinda remind me of Barney or Big Bird..." |
