Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. TH is quite the incompetent team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by TB. "You want fries with that?" Yep, we'll be hearing that from Stacy Andrews in the near-future after this week's performance. After a time, I began to play a game, counting the seconds between mistakes, waiting with giddy excitement while seeing that head coach of theirs as enraged as an elementary school janitor fresh out of Vomit-be-Gone. Tony Romo quipped, "Whoa... we got our backends handed to us today and that's for sure. Coach is steering us toward a high draft pick and a wasted season. I can only hope that he trades me to someone capable of winning before my career ends." Stacy Andrews shot, "I told the guys that they were going to make a mistake somewhere and when they did it, I pulled up with a 'sore ankle' if ya catch my drift. No sense me gettin' blasted. When we're playing at our best, those mistakes don't happen and tonight definitely wasn't our night." TB has senselessly deluged TH as though they were an all you can eat buffet residing next to a weight-watcher's clinic, whipping them by the tune of 40-13 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. TB leads the all-time series 15-12 against TH. TB has a 1-0 regular season record. TH has a 0-1 regular season record. They were almost perfect on the TB squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 335 points, 220 on offense and 115 on defense. Willie Parker with 36 points on offense and Brian Moorman with 21 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Tim Marshall, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Eric Green played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc says that if he spent a little more time working off the flubber in his midsection than 'clubbing' and getting fat on the buck-a-bucket combo at the KFC, well, his medical list wouldn't read like a copy of 'War and Peace'. Back in my day, 'clubbing' was something untoward that you did to baby seals . As for those LB? They showed their ineptitude by amassing absolutely nothing throughout the course of their pitiful performance. Overall though, the Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man in this game was Levi Jones. "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Tim Marshall blathered, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" In response, the TH coach grumbled, "Gosh... why are you even wasting my time looking for a comment about them? They're kinda like cockroaches - to be sure, they occasionally crawl out of the woodwork to be seen by all, but usually, they're lurking somewhere out of sight." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||