Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once tossed a frog in the microwave. My father, as enraged as an elementary school janitor fresh out of Vomit-be-Gone, told me to retrieve a stick of dynamite. He then ordered me into a cave and authored a novel on corporal punishment. Even now, I still black out at the mere mention of that place. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to LLL today are the same. DH has staggered LLL as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield, bludgeoning them by the tune of 52-0 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. DH leads the all-time series 21-3 against LLL. DH has a 2-0 regular season record. LLL has a 1-1 regular season record. Calvin Johnson stated, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Edwin Mulitalo groaned, "No comment." When pressed, he added, "Get out of my face, man... I don't want to get fined for shoving that there microphone in a deep, dark crevass on your person if you catch my drift." They looked unstoppable on the DH squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 318 points, 198 on offense and 120 on defense. Tony Scheffler with 41 points on offense and Justin Tuck with 22 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Raman Ohri, "Sure, I'm a bit concerned about a few things.. For one, Tony Scheffler performed like a spasmodic violinist. I've been working with Doc on a revolutionary new procedure... I won't go into the full details right now, but let's just say that he won't have an any excuse for dropping the damned ball anymore. As for those NT? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 2 Assists over the course of the contest. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Vince Wilfork. His bad effort yielded a venom-filled snarl of anger from his position coach. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Vince Wilfork, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Zach Thomas added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Raman Ohri quipped, "I suppose every league needs a doormat. I feel some degree of scorn for them to be sure, but mostly, I just shake my head and watch them bumble their way from game to game with a sense of detached amusement." In response, the LLL coach droned, "Like 'em? No... not really. I'd rather strangle puppies in front of a dozen orphans than pull that wretched owner of theirs out of a burning building." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||