Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. PC is quite the callow team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by OA. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to OA for pulling out a pickle, overcoming their foes and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game. Kurt Warner considered this when he said, "Offensively, we saved our best for last, which is the best thing I can say for us. Heck, who am I kidding, man? Our best sucked." Rashard Mendenhall waxed poetic, stating, "I still can't believe that I've got this awesome gig, man. I mean, here I am, a player without talent earning millions of dollars to lose a game and look like a geriatric clown trying to do a birthday party for four-year-olds. You ain't gonna write this and get me in trouble, are you?" OA has demoralized PC as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution, overcoming their foes by the tune of 41-30 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. OA leads the all-time series 7-2 against PC. OA has a 2-0 regular season record. PC has a 0-2 regular season record. They were almost perfect on the OA squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 267 points, 181 on offense and 86 on defense. Brian Westbrook with 42 points on offense and Jay Ratliff with 12 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Adam Murgittroyd, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Bertrand Berry was as sharp as a sponge today. Doc says that if he spent a little more time working off the flubber in his midsection than 'clubbing' and getting fat on the buck-a-bucket combo at the KFC, well, his medical list wouldn't read like a copy of 'War and Peace'. Back in my day, 'clubbing' was something untoward that you did to baby seals . As for those DST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 6 Punt returns defended, 57 Defended punt return yardage, 18.9997 Defended punt return average, 15 Defended kickoff returns, 461 Defended kickoff return yardage, 62.125 Defended kickoff return average, 1 Kickoff return touchdowns allowed while taking the day off. Overall though, the Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man in this game was Kwame Harris. Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Adam Murgittroyd waxed poetic, stating, "They stink, not in that 'festering sewage inside a porta-potty next to a dead, bloated cow floating in a culvert' way, but more in the 'the Vienna Boy's Choir has more football talent' way." In response, the PC coach considered this when he said, "They stink, not in that 'festering sewage inside a porta-potty next to a dead, bloated cow floating in a culvert' way, but more in the 'the Vienna Boy's Choir has more football talent' way." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||