Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once set fire to my neighbor's gaudy yard art. My father, as apoplectic as a TV evangelist being audited by the IRS, told me to retrieve a willow switch. He then pushed me atop the compost heap and set the embers of my wisdom to flame. Even now, I still black out at the mere mention of that place. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to OA today are the same. AW prostrated OA as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield, topping them by the tune of 91-0 in front of a despondent home crowd. AW leads the all-time series 1-0 against OA. AW has a 3-0 regular season record. OA has a 2-1 regular season record. Chad Pennington gurgled, "Whoa... we got our backends handed to us today and that's for sure. Coach is steering us toward a high draft pick and a wasted season. I can only hope that he trades me to someone capable of winning before my career ends." Tony Hunt noted, "I still can't believe that I've got this awesome gig, man. I mean, here I am, a player without talent earning millions of dollars to lose a game and look like a geriatric clown trying to do a birthday party for four-year-olds. You ain't gonna write this and get me in trouble, are you?" They were almost perfect on the AW squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 368 points, 213 on offense and 155 on defense. Drew Brees with 60 points on offense and Adam Podlesh with 26 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Tim Shoemaker, "Sure, I'm a bit concerned about a few things.. For one, Jamaal Anderson was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Medically speaking, his body should be donated to science, there's so much wrong with him. At least, that's gotta be the case given the number of plays he likes to take off . As for those OST? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 2 Punt return, 1 Punt return yardage, .5 Punt return average, 3 Kickoff returns, 72 Kickoff return yardage, 24 Kickoff return average while taking the day off. Overall though, the Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. in this game was Darryl Tapp. His grotesque effort yielded an expletive-laden outburst from me, I must admit. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Darryl Tapp, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!" Gijon Robinson added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!" There's no love lost between these two clubs. Tim Shoemaker blathered, "Oh, they're harmless... a bit annoying too, I guess... Kinda remind me of Barney or Big Bird..." In response, the OA coach exclaimed, "He and his lecherous team of cub scouts have all the football grace of a French eunuch trying to ride a bull suffering from mad cow's disease while reciting the Gettysburg Address." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||