Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once used my mother's fancy plate collection as clay pigeons. My father, as enraged as an elementary school janitor fresh out of Vomit-be-Gone, told me to retrieve the meat grinder. He then coerced me onto the kitchen table and lectured me on my error in judgement. Even now, I still black out at the mere mention of that place. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to OA today are the same. TSI has staggered OA as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution, emasculating them by the tune of 53-51 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. TSI leads the all-time series 1-0 against OA. TSI has a 3-2 regular season record. OA has a 2-3 regular season record. Chad Pennington stated, "The win, see... dat's da importan' thing, peace, bro." When confronted with the reality that they had, in fact, lost, he blushed and added, "Yo man I ain't stupid or nothin'. I ain't talkin' 'bout no darned game... I mean them individual plays. That 3rd and 18 we had in the third quarter? You man, we gained six - count 'em, six yards on that play! That was an awesome end-around, man!" Walter Jones exclaimed, "Das why I get paid da big bucks, dawg! Ooh baby I was hot out there! Now if only dey woulda gotten me in on some plays we'da been breakin' scoring records and stuff! Offense, defense... don' matter to numba me... just wish them others around me would understand my value." They were almost perfect on the TSI squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 283 points, 205 on offense and 78 on defense. Bernard Berrian with 26 points on offense and Antoine Winfield with 31 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Al Burns, "I took exception to our execution on a few plays.. For one, Michael Turner played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc was tellin' me that he's seen all the telltale signs of... oh, I forget the medical term for it, but basically, he's a screw-up because he just isn't that bright when you get right down to it. Shoulda known when my scouts mentioned that he rode the short bus. As for those DST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 1 Punt returns defended, 7 Defended punt return yardage, 7 Defended punt return average, 1 Defended kickoff returns, 25 Defended kickoff return yardage, 25 Defended kickoff return average while taking the day off. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Rob Meier. His pitiful effort yielded nothing but the scorn of his teammates. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..." Says Rob Meier, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Jeff Garcia added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " There's no love lost between these two clubs. Al Burns quipped, "They stink, not in that 'festering sewage inside a porta-potty next to a dead, bloated cow floating in a culvert' way, but more in the 'the Vienna Boy's Choir has more football talent' way." In response, the OA coach grumbled, "Like 'em? No... not really. I'd rather strangle puppies in front of a dozen orphans than pull that wretched owner of theirs out of a burning building." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||