| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Punxsutawney Chucks | 218 | 98 | 316 | 54 | | Home | The Blitz | 212 | 110 | 322 | 57 |
| The Blitz |
Punxsutawney Chucks |
|---|
| I | Damon Huard QB KC | 0 |
| I | Brodie Croyle QB KC | 0 |
| I | Tyler Thigpen QB KC | 0 |
| S | Peyton Manning QB IND | 36 |
| S | Jim Sorgi QB IND | 0 |
| S | Dan Koppen OC NE | 4 |
| I | Kyle Kosier OG ??? | 0 |
| I | Rob Sims OG ??? | 0 |
| I | Logan Mankins OG/OT NE | 0 |
| S | Tony Pashos OT JAC | 2 |
| I | Tyson Clabo OT ??? | 0 |
| I | Jeff Otah OT CAR | 0 |
| S | Donald Penn OT TB | 4 |
| S | Deuce Lutui OG ARI | 8 |
| S | Leonard Davis OL ??? | 11 |
| I | Eric Ghiaciuc OC CIN | 0 |
| B | Madison Hedgecock FB NYG | 4 |
| S | Edgerrin James RB ARI | 18 |
| S | Maurice Jones-Drew RB JAC | 17 |
| B | Felix Jones RB DAL | 5 |
| B | Sammy Morris FB NE | 3 |
| B | Peyton Hillis FB DEN | 0 |
| I | Willie Parker RB PIT | 0 |
| S | Earnest Graham FB TB | 22 |
| I | Brandon Manumaleuna TE LAC | 0 |
| S | Heath Miller TE PIT | 26 |
| B | Daniel Graham TE DEN | 3 |
| B | Ben Patrick TE ARI | 3 |
| I | Joe Klopfenstein TE LAR | 0 |
| S | Jason Witten TE DAL | 37 |
| S | Nate Kaeding K LAC | 4 |
| I | Matt Bryant K TB | 0 |
| S | Seattle OST SEA | 1 |
| B | Jevon Kearse DE TEN | 1 |
| S | Mario Williams DE HOU | 11 |
| B | Turk McBride DE KC | 3 |
| S | Justin Smith DE SF | 8 |
| S | Cornelius Griffin DT WAS | 1 |
| B | Pat Williams DT MIN | 3 |
| S | Chris Hovan DT TB | 1 |
| S | Jonathan Vilma MLB NO | 11 |
| S | Boss Bailey OLB DEN | 12 |
| S | Derrick Johnson OLB KC | 10 |
| B | Stephen Tulloch MLB TEN | 3 |
| B | Curtis Lofton MLB ATL | 3 |
| B | Alex Lewis LB DET | 2 |
| B | Eric Green CB ARI | 5 |
| I | Eric Wright CB CLE | 0 |
| I | Ronald Bartell CB LAR | 0 |
| S | Marcus Trufant CB SEA | 4 |
| B | Dwight Smith S DET | 3 |
| B | Antrel Rolle S ARI | 3 |
| S | Michael Griffin S TEN | 7 |
| B | Tyrell Johnson S MIN | 6 |
| I | Madieu Williams S MIN | 0 |
| B | Will Demps S HOU | 0 |
| S | Renaldo Hill CB MIA | 2 |
| S | Kevin Payne S CHI | 3 |
| S | Brian Moorman P BUF | 7 |
| I | Donnie Jones P LAR | 0 |
| S | Cincinnati DST CIN | 1 |
|
| S | Kurt Warner QB ARI | 54 |
| I | Alex Smith QB ??? | 0 |
| I | J.T. O'Sullivan QB SF | 0 |
| S | Matt Leinart QB ARI | 0 |
| S | Brian St. Pierre QB ??? | 0 |
| I | Shaun Hill QB SF | 0 |
| I | Jamie Martin QB ??? | 0 |
| S | Jamaal Jackson OC PHI | 9 |
| S | Chris Myers OC/OG HOU | 11 |
| S | Jason Brown OG BAL | 8 |
| I | Jacob Bell OG ??? | 0 |
| I | Alan Faneca OG NYJ | 0 |
| S | Levi Brown OT ARI | 8 |
| S | Marvel Smith OT ??? | 8 |
| I | Gosder Cherilus OT DET | 0 |
| S | Correll Buckhalter RB PHI | 0 |
| B | Selvin Young RB DEN | 2 |
| I | Najeh Davenport RB IND | 0 |
| B | Mewelde Moore RB PIT | 5 |
| I | Rashard Mendenhall RB PIT | 0 |
| B | Brandon Jackson RB GB | 3 |
| B | Ray Rice RB BAL | 0 |
| S | Warrick Dunn RB TB | 17 |
| S | Muhsin Muhammad WR CAR | 17 |
| I | Brandon Lloyd WR CHI | 0 |
| S | Roddy White WR ATL | 30 |
| I | Braylon Edwards WR CLE | 0 |
| S | L.J. Smith TE PHI | 16 |
| B | Reggie Kelly TE CIN | 1 |
| I | Chris Baker TE NYJ | 0 |
| B | John Gilmore TE TB | 4 |
| B | Casey Fitzsimmons TE DET | 1 |
| I | Jeff Reed K PIT | 0 |
| S | Matt Prater K DEN | 15 |
| S | Buffalo OST BUF | 9 |
| I | Kenechi Udeze DE ??? | 0 |
| I | Raheem Brock DT IND | 0 |
| I | Alex Hall LB CLE | 0 |
| S | Derrick Harvey DE JAC | 0 |
| S | Glenn Dorsey DT KC | 5 |
| I | Elvis Dumervil DE DEN | 0 |
| S | Gaines Adams DE TB | 2 |
| S | Brodrick Bunkley DT PHI | 4 |
| B | Chike Okeafor OLB ARI | 1 |
| B | Ben Leber OLB MIN | 7 |
| B | Michael Boley OLB ATL | 4 |
| S | LaMarr Woodley OLB PIT | 15 |
| S | Paul Posluszny MLB BUF | 8 |
| S | Rocky McIntosh OLB WAS | 6 |
| I | Dan Connor LB CAR | 0 |
| B | Pierre Woods OLB NE | 1 |
| B | Barrett Ruud MLB TB | 4 |
| B | Anthony Henry CB DAL | 2 |
| I | Dunta Robinson CB HOU | 0 |
| B | Sheldon Brown CB PHI | 3 |
| S | Aaron Ross CB NYG | 8 |
| B | Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie CB ARI | 1 |
| S | Bryant McFadden CB PIT | 5 |
| S | Eric Weddle S LAC | 10 |
| B | Gerald Sensabaugh S JAC | 3 |
| S | Antoine Bethea S IND | 4 |
| B | Ryan Clark S PIT | 3 |
| I | Mitch Berger P PIT | 0 |
| S | Sam Koch P BAL | 2 |
| S | Arizona DST ARI | 0 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
awful. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by PC on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football.
And so now it stands that TB leads the all-time series 10-2 against PC. TB has a 5-0 regular season record. PC has a 2-3 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw TB has repelled PC like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den 57-54 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd.
Things went very well for the TB squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 322 points, 212 on offense and 110 on defense. Jason Witten with 37 points on offense and Tyrell Johnson with 12 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Tim Marshall, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Dwight Smith played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc says that he's gotten much better since he's started the electroshock therapy... something about frontal lobes and things with molecular structures. It all sounded very clinical to me, but as long as it keeps him on the field, I'm all for it. As for those OST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 8 Kickoff returns, 163 Kickoff return yardage, 20.375 Kickoff return average over the course of the contest. Overall though, the Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man in this game was Damon Huard. His wretched effort yielded precious little to praise.
"Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Tim Marshall noted, "Nah, I don't have anything against them. They're kinda like little bunnies or maybe pop warner rejects.... kinda cute and all, but pretty impotent when it comes to football." In response, the PC coach blathered, "Gosh... why are you even wasting my time looking for a comment about them? They're kinda like cockroaches - to be sure, they occasionally crawl out of the woodwork to be seen by all, but usually, they're lurking somewhere out of sight." |
