Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. AW is quite the callow team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by TH. callow. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by AW on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football. Chris Cooley shot, "At least we weren't as bad as those '02 Flathead Cats... Yo, I'm trying to put a positive spin on this if you catch my drift. Gosh... we're hopeless." Dominic Rhodes said, "Oh fo real, man. Ya see, I is da real thing. Dose drops, man. Dat weren't my fault, dawg. Th playa wuz trowing too hard and I run the wrong play jus so's he can't find me. No sense me breakin' my assets, man... No sense me making it on 'Jacked Up' or nothin'. No matter... I be back, bro. Expect numba ME to grab up 60 scores this season, yo. Dem otha's, man? I gonna steal the show. They's amateurs spelt wit a capital E." TH has decaffeinated AW as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution, whipping them by the tune of 39-37 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. TH trails the all-time series 2-5 against AW. TH has a 3-2 regular season record. AW has a 4-1 regular season record. Things went very well for the TH squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 267 points, 162 on offense and 105 on defense. Clinton Portis with 27 points on offense and Tramon Williams with 17 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM David Markfield, "There were some mental breakdowns on both sides of the ball.. For one, Dewayne White played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Medically speaking, his body should be donated to science, there's so much wrong with him. At least, that's gotta be the case given the number of plays he likes to take off . As for those LB? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 1 Tackles over the course of the contest. Overall though, the Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. in this game was Coy Wire. There's no love lost between these two clubs. David Markfield noted, "I feel kinda sorry for them, to be honest. I mean, how can you be that inept, that pitiable? I guess they occasionally get my blood flowing, but for the most part, playing them is about as exciting as rearranging my sock drawer." In response, the AW coach noted, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||