Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. OA is quite the disgusting team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by SRS. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to SRS for pulling out a stick of dynamite, emasculating them and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game. Chad Pennington groaned, "The win, see... dat's da importan' thing, peace, bro." When confronted with the reality that they had, in fact, lost, he blushed and added, "Yo man I ain't stupid or nothin'. I ain't talkin' 'bout no darned game... I mean them individual plays. That 3rd and 18 we had in the third quarter? You man, we gained six - count 'em, six yards on that play! That was an awesome end-around, man!" Andrew Whitworth grumbled, "Das why I get paid da big bucks, dawg! Ooh baby I was hot out there! Now if only dey woulda gotten me in on some plays we'da been breakin' scoring records and stuff! Offense, defense... don' matter to numba me... just wish them others around me would understand my value." SRS has senselessly deluged OA as though they were horses being sent to the glue factory, emasculating them by the tune of 156-0 in front of a despondent home crowd. SRS leads the all-time series 1-0 against OA. SRS has a 6-0 regular season record. OA has a 2-4 regular season record. Things went very well for the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 412 points, 247 on offense and 165 on defense. Aaron Rodgers with 45 points on offense and Chinedum Ndukwe with 17 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "Sure, I'm a bit concerned about a few things.. For one, Daniel Bullocks was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Medically speaking, his body should be donated to science, there's so much wrong with him. At least, that's gotta be the case given the number of plays he likes to take off . As for those NT? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 5 Tackles, 2 Assists, 1 Stuff over the course of the contest. Overall though, the Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. in this game was John Carney. Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Allen Cummings groaned, "Who? I didn't realize they were still in the league." In response, the OA coach exclaimed, "Nah, I don't have anything against them. They're kinda like little bunnies or maybe pop warner rejects.... kinda cute and all, but pretty impotent when it comes to football." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||