Boxscore
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press) inept. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by DS on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football. And so now it stands that TB leads the all-time series 3-2 against DS. TB has a 6-0 regular season record. DS has a 1-5 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw TB has publically emasculated DS as though they were palace eunuchs in a wrestling match 49-29 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. They looked unstoppable on the TB squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 316 points, 195 on offense and 121 on defense. Peyton Manning with 41 points on offense and Eric Wright with 20 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Tim Marshall, "I took exception to our execution on a few plays.. For one, Mario Williams was as sharp as a sponge today. Doc was tellin' me that he's seen all the telltale signs of... oh, I forget the medical term for it, but basically, he's a screw-up because he just isn't that bright when you get right down to it. Shoulda known when my scouts mentioned that he rode the short bus. As for those DST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 5 Punt returns defended, 77 Defended punt return yardage, 15.4 Defended punt return average, 2 Defended kickoff returns, 65 Defended kickoff return yardage, 32.5 Defended kickoff return average over the course of the contest. Overall though, the Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. in this game was Eric Ghiaciuc. His bad effort yielded as many positives as a hydrogen ion. "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Tim Marshall gurgled, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." In response, the DS coach groaned, "Nah, I don't have anything against them. They're kinda like little bunnies or maybe pop warner rejects.... kinda cute and all, but pretty impotent when it comes to football." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||