Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once set fire to my neighbor's gaudy yard art. My father, as enraged as an elementary school janitor fresh out of Vomit-be-Gone, told me to retrieve our last jar of dried beef. He then shoved me across the embers in the firepit and pummeled me within inches of my life. The scars of that memory live on today. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to MHD today are the same. KIR has decaffeinated MHD as though they were palace eunuchs in a wrestling match, bludgeoning them by the tune of 43-28 in front of a despondent home crowd. KIR leads the all-time series 1-0 against MHD. KIR has a 1-6 regular season record. MHD has a 2-5 regular season record. Ben Roethlisberger stated, "Whoa... we got our backends handed to us today and that's for sure. Coach is steering us toward a high draft pick and a wasted season. I can only hope that he trades me to someone capable of winning before my career ends." Larry Foote considered this when he said, "Word up... I ain't showed nothin' today 'cuz dey wuz cheating. No, I ain't sayin' dat... les jus say dat if the refs had any guts, dey woulda been throwin' their little yellow hankies all over 'round me. Da way I was disrespected out there was sick, dude." Things went very well for the KIR squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 292 points, 178 on offense and 114 on defense. Matt Schaub with 41 points on offense and Kawika Mitchell with 21 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Kevin Snyder, "We had a few breakdowns. . For one, Akin Ayodele was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Stimulus. Response. That's all there is to it. Pavlov had a dog and I've got this idiot. I've noticed that the red tazer in particular gets him ready for the games. As for those DST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 2 Punt returns defended, 18 Defended punt return yardage, 18 Defended punt return average, 10 Defended kickoff returns, 204 Defended kickoff return yardage, 38.857 Defended kickoff return average throughout the course of their pitiful performance. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Bobbie Williams. His pitiful effort yielded precious little to praise. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..." Says Bobbie Williams, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Shane Lechler added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Kevin Snyder blathered, "I suppose every league needs a doormat. I feel some degree of scorn for them to be sure, but mostly, I just shake my head and watch them bumble their way from game to game with a sense of detached amusement." In response, the MHD coach said, "Sheesh... just mentioning their scaly hides makes me feel very unclean. They're wretched, infantile little sewer rats and I don't want to get dragged into a discussion about them. Any other questions? I need to bathe." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||