Boxscore
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press) Matt Ryan groaned, "The win, see... dat's da importan' thing, peace, bro." When confronted with the reality that they had, in fact, lost, he blushed and added, "Yo man I ain't stupid or nothin'. I ain't talkin' 'bout no darned game... I mean them individual plays. That 3rd and 18 we had in the third quarter? You man, we gained six - count 'em, six yards on that play! That was an awesome end-around, man!" Well no kidding, Einstein. MHD was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. OK, so not everyone who wears the uniform should be allowed to suit up. Such is most certainly the case for Ben Roethlisberger, the greatest goat this side of the fairytale land of satyrs, unicorns, pixies, and winning MHD seasons. This journalist found himself maintaining sanity amidst the botched stumbling of Matt Ryan and his sidekicks by drinking heavily and choking down moldy peanuts. Now, to MHD's credit, they willingly subjected themselves to this game, knowing full well how it was likely to turn out, but I place a great deal of blame on DH for opting for this game over a likely more challenging foray against the Vienna Boy's Choir. So now the series stands DH leads the all-time series 11-1 against MHD. DH has a 6-2 regular season record. MHD has a 2-6 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw DH overwhelming MHD as though they were palace eunuchs in a wrestling match 87-0 in front of a despondent home crowd. Things went very well for the DH squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 351 points, 188 on offense and 163 on defense. Jason Campbell with 33 points on offense and Brandon Flowers with 30 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. of the game goes to Leonard Little. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Leonard Little, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Levi Jones added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Raman Ohri waxed poetic, stating, "They stink, not in that 'festering sewage inside a porta-potty next to a dead, bloated cow floating in a culvert' way, but more in the 'the Vienna Boy's Choir has more football talent' way." In response, the MHD coach stated, "That owner of theirs kinda reminds me of a Matt Millen and Michael Jackson hybrid... all bluster, melting face, questionable personal tastes... not exactly the kind of person I'd invite to my child's birthday party." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||