Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once used my mother's fancy plate collection as clay pigeons. My father, as unhappy as a politician running for re-election while in the midst of another scandal, told me to retrieve a kipper snack. He then dragged me next to the firing range and placated the natives with my pain. Even now, I still black out at the mere mention of that place. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to DS today are the same. SRS pulverizing DS like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den, whipping them by the tune of 74-5 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. SRS leads the all-time series 10-4 against DS. SRS has a 8-0 regular season record. DS has a 2-6 regular season record. Steve Smith groaned, "They came at us with some tough schemes, but we were able to put a few decent plays together. I think we can move the ball against anyone, stop anyone and we just didn't execute today." Mike Patterson shot, "No comment." When pressed, he added, "Get out of my face, man... I don't want to get fined for shoving that there microphone in a deep, dark crevass on your person if you catch my drift." They looked unstoppable on the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 391 points, 245 on offense and 146 on defense. Frank Gore with 34 points on offense and Manny Lawson with 14 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "I took exception to our execution on a few plays.. For one, Mike Goff kinda languished a bit out there. Doc says that if he spent a little more time working off the flubber in his midsection than 'clubbing' and getting fat on the buck-a-bucket combo at the KFC, well, his medical list wouldn't read like a copy of 'War and Peace'. Back in my day, 'clubbing' was something untoward that you did to baby seals . As for those OC/OG? They showed their ineptitude by amassing absolutely nothing instead of playing. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Chris Perry. His pitiful effort yielded little but his position coach's fury. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Chris Perry, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!" John Carney added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!" Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Allen Cummings stated, "Oh, they're harmless... a bit annoying too, I guess... Kinda remind me of Barney or Big Bird..." In response, the DS coach waxed poetic, stating, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||