Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once ate my sister's homework. My father, as apoplectic as a TV evangelist being audited by the IRS, told me to retrieve the family shotgun. He then pulled me into the cellar and lectured me on my error in judgement. To this day, I still faint at the sight of my blood. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to OA today are the same. KIR has feasted upon OA like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den, publicly humiliating them by the tune of 61-26 in front of a despondent home crowd. KIR leads the all-time series 1-0 against OA. KIR has a 2-6 regular season record. OA has a 3-5 regular season record. Brian Westbrook noted, "How about that offense, huh? Theirs, I mean, not ours. I pulled myself 'cause I didn't want to go in there and make anything worse.Yeah, this is going to be the nature of our team." Bertrand Berry considered this when he said, "Oh fo real, man. Ya see, I is da real thing. Dose drops, man. Dat weren't my fault, dawg. Th playa wuz trowing too hard and I run the wrong play jus so's he can't find me. No sense me breakin' my assets, man... No sense me making it on 'Jacked Up' or nothin'. No matter... I be back, bro. Expect numba ME to grab up 60 scores this season, yo. Dem otha's, man? I gonna steal the show. They's amateurs spelt wit a capital E." They were almost perfect on the KIR squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 302 points, 191 on offense and 111 on defense. Matt Schaub with 51 points on offense and Chris Hope with 17 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Kevin Snyder, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Kareem McKenzie was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Doc says that he's gotten much better since he's started the electroshock therapy... something about frontal lobes and things with molecular structures. It all sounded very clinical to me, but as long as it keeps him on the field, I'm all for it. As for those OST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 2 Punt return, 2 Punt return yardage, 1 Punt return average, 5 Kickoff returns, 57 Kickoff return yardage, 11.4 Kickoff return average instead of playing. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Robert Gallery. His useless effort yielded a venom-filled snarl of anger from his position coach. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Robert Gallery, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Chris Hope added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Kevin Snyder groaned, "Oh, they're harmless... a bit annoying too, I guess... Kinda remind me of Barney or Big Bird..." In response, the OA coach noted, "Thinking about them forces me to draw parallels between them and the Bulgarians." He was quick to add, "Erm, the Byzantine Empire had to deal with those clods... made themselves quite a nuisance 'til Basil crushed 'em and cut their eyes out - well, he left a couple of 'em with one eye so's they could guide the others home. I can't help but think that motivations such as that would help their cause." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||