Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once whacked a fat little leper boy with a baseball bat. My father, as enraged as an elementary school janitor fresh out of Vomit-be-Gone, told me to retrieve the meat grinder. He then drew me to the dark, dank closet and placated the natives with my pain. Even now, I still black out at the mere mention of that place. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to OA today are the same. TB bludgeoning OA as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield, topping them by the tune of 33-26 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. TB leads the all-time series 1-0 against OA. TB has a 7-2 regular season record. OA has a 3-6 regular season record. Antonio Bryant shot, "How about that offense, huh? Theirs, I mean, not ours. I pulled myself 'cause I didn't want to go in there and make anything worse.Yeah, this is going to be the nature of our team." Derrick Dockery grumbled, "Oh fo real, man. Ya see, I is da real thing. Dose drops, man. Dat weren't my fault, dawg. Th playa wuz trowing too hard and I run the wrong play jus so's he can't find me. No sense me breakin' my assets, man... No sense me making it on 'Jacked Up' or nothin'. No matter... I be back, bro. Expect numba ME to grab up 60 scores this season, yo. Dem otha's, man? I gonna steal the show. They's amateurs spelt wit a capital E." They were almost perfect on the TB squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 283 points, 170 on offense and 113 on defense. Peyton Manning with 39 points on offense and Antrel Rolle with 17 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Tim Marshall, "We had a few breakdowns. . For one, Ronald Bartell performed like a spasmodic violinist. That procedure he had a couple weeks back... labotomy, I think Doc said - well, that thing has done wonders for his game. He just stands in there and takes it now - play after play after play. No more of this whining about being too hurt. Doc is brilliant, I say. As for those OST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 5 Punt return, 36 Punt return yardage, 7.2 Punt return average, 6 Kickoff returns, 125 Kickoff return yardage, 20.833 Kickoff return average throughout the course of their pitiful performance. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Kevin Carter. His pitiful effort yielded little but his position coach's fury. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..." Says Kevin Carter, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!" Maurice Jones-Drew added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!" Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Tim Marshall grumbled, "Gosh... why are you even wasting my time looking for a comment about them? They're kinda like cockroaches - to be sure, they occasionally crawl out of the woodwork to be seen by all, but usually, they're lurking somewhere out of sight." In response, the OA coach noted, "I feel kinda sorry for them, to be honest. I mean, how can you be that inept, that pitiable? I guess they occasionally get my blood flowing, but for the most part, playing them is about as exciting as rearranging my sock drawer." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||