| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Southside Salamanders | 205 | 161 | 366 | 55 | | Home | WHO DAT | 159 | 97 | 256 | 0 |
| WHO DAT |
Southside Salamanders |
|---|
| S | Brett Favre QB NYJ | 15 |
| I | Carson Palmer QB CIN | 0 |
| S | Kellen Clemens QB NYJ | 0 |
| I | Jordan Palmer QB CIN | 0 |
| S | Brett Ratliff QB ??? | 0 |
| I | Ryan Fitzpatrick QB CIN | 0 |
| I | Matt Birk OC MIN | 0 |
| S | Todd McClure OC ??? | 8 |
| S | Ben Grubbs OG BAL | 10 |
| I | Branden Albert OT KC | 0 |
| I | Kevin Shaffer OT CLE | 0 |
| S | Mark Tauscher OT GB | 9 |
| S | Stephon Heyer OT WAS | 0 |
| S | Max Jean-Gilles OL ??? | 8 |
| S | Matt Forte RB CHI | 18 |
| B | Michael Pittman RB DEN | 1 |
| S | Thomas Jones RB NYJ | 27 |
| B | Kolby Smith RB KC | 3 |
| B | Michael Bush RB LV | 2 |
| S | Calvin Johnson WR DET | 25 |
| B | Bobby Wade WR MIN | 2 |
| B | Hank Baskett WR PHI | 1 |
| B | Kevin Curtis WR PHI | 4 |
| S | Jerricho Cotchery WR NYJ | 15 |
| I | Josh Reed WR BUF | 0 |
| S | Brandon Stokley WR DEN | 5 |
| I | Arnaz Battle WR SF | 0 |
| S | Kris Brown K HOU | 2 |
| S | Washington OST WAS | 0 |
| S | Kenny Peterson DE DEN | 0 |
| B | Lawrence Jackson DE SEA | 0 |
| B | Kendall Langford DE MIA | 2 |
| S | Craig Terrill DT SEA | 5 |
| B | La'Roi Glover DT LAR | 2 |
| S | Kyle Williams DT BUF | 4 |
| B | Ryan Denney DE BUF | 3 |
| B | Vernon Gholston OLB NYJ | 1 |
| I | Thomas Davis OLB CAR | 0 |
| I | Jo-Lonn Dunbar LB NO | 0 |
| S | Adalius Thomas OLB NE | 5 |
| S | Robert Mathis DE IND | 4 |
| S | Jamie Winborn OLB DEN | 11 |
| I | Takeo Spikes OLB SF | 0 |
| I | Mark Simoneau MLB ??? | 0 |
| S | Antonio Pierce MLB NYG | 7 |
| I | Derrick Burgess DE LV | 0 |
| B | Demorrio Williams OLB KC | 0 |
| B | Sam Madison CB NYG | 1 |
| S | Brandon Carr CB KC | 11 |
| B | Ashton Youboty CB BUF | 0 |
| B | Aqib Talib CB TB | 1 |
| I | Rodney Harrison S NE | 0 |
| B | Michael Huff S LV | 1 |
| S | Marlin Jackson CB IND | 0 |
| S | Lawyer Milloy S ATL | 2 |
| S | Chris Horton S WAS | 10 |
| B | Will Allen CB MIA | 9 |
| I | Mat McBriar P DAL | 0 |
| S | Dave Zastudil P CLE | 4 |
| I | Saint Louis DST LAR | 0 |
| S | Houston DST HOU | 14 |
|
| S | Aaron Rodgers QB GB | 21 |
| I | J.P. Losman QB BUF | 0 |
| I | Trent Edwards QB BUF | 0 |
| S | Matt Flynn QB GB | 0 |
| S | Brian Brohm QB ??? | 0 |
| I | Gibran Hamdan QB ??? | 0 |
| S | Scott Wells OC/OG GB | 11 |
| I | Dennis Norman OC/OG ??? | 0 |
| I | Mike Goff OG LAC | 0 |
| S | Chris Kuper OG DEN | 7 |
| I | Josh Sitton OG ??? | 0 |
| I | Duane Brown OT HOU | 0 |
| S | Tra Thomas OT ??? | 9 |
| S | Michael Roos OT TEN | 11 |
| S | Jake Scott OG TEN | 9 |
| B | Korey Hall FB GB | 4 |
| I | Frank Gore RB SF | 0 |
| S | Chris Johnson RB TEN | 37 |
| S | Fred Jackson RB BUF | 13 |
| I | Reggie Bush RB NO | 0 |
| I | Vincent Jackson WR LAC | 0 |
| I | Drew Carter WR ??? | 0 |
| S | Greg Jennings WR GB | 16 |
| B | Sidney Rice WR MIN | 3 |
| I | Jason Carter WR ??? | 0 |
| B | James Jones WR GB | 0 |
| S | Brandon Marshall WR DEN | 6 |
| B | Ben Patrick TE ARI | 0 |
| B | Dustin Keller TE NYJ | 5 |
| B | Brent Celek TE PHI | 9 |
| S | Kellen Winslow TE CLE | 22 |
| S | Mason Crosby K GB | 12 |
| I | John Carney K NYG | 0 |
| S | Green Bay OST GB | 10 |
| B | Jevon Kearse DE TEN | 5 |
| I | Ray McDonald DE SF | 0 |
| S | Justin Bannan NT BAL | 7 |
| I | Kelly Gregg DL ??? | 0 |
| S | Dwight Freeney DE IND | 5 |
| S | Keith Bulluck OLB TEN | 10 |
| B | Ryan Nece OLB DET | 3 |
| B | Danny Clark OLB NYG | 5 |
| I | Manny Lawson OLB SF | 0 |
| I | Matt Wilhelm ILB LAC | 0 |
| B | Bryan Kehl OLB NYG | 0 |
| S | Channing Crowder ILB MIA | 7 |
| B | Bart Scott ILB BAL | 6 |
| S | Omar Gaither OLB PHI | 14 |
| I | David Harris ILB NYJ | 0 |
| S | Alex Brown DE CHI | 11 |
| S | Rashean Mathis CB JAC | 9 |
| I | Antoine Cason CB LAC | 0 |
| B | Brent Grimes CB ATL | 0 |
| B | Brian Russell S SEA | 4 |
| S | Daniel Bullocks S DET | 7 |
| B | Jarrad Page S KC | 5 |
| S | Chinedum Ndukwe S CIN | 10 |
| S | Atari Bigby S GB | 9 |
| B | Aaron Rouse S GB | 2 |
| B | DaJuan Morgan S KC | 0 |
| S | Darrelle Revis CB NYJ | 23 |
| B | Brandon McDonald CB CLE | 5 |
| I | Brandon Fields P MIA | 0 |
| S | Brett Kern P DEN | 11 |
| S | Tampa Bay DST TB | 3 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
incapable. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by LLL on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football.
And so now it stands that SRS leads the all-time series 11-2 against LLL. SRS has a 9-0 regular season record. LLL has a 4-5 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw SRS bludgeoning LLL as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution 55-0 in front of a despondent home crowd.
They were almost perfect on the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 366 points, 205 on offense and 161 on defense. Chris Johnson with 37 points on offense and Darrelle Revis with 23 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "I took exception to our execution on a few plays.. For one, Omar Gaither was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. That procedure he had a couple weeks back... labotomy, I think Doc said - well, that thing has done wonders for his game. He just stands in there and takes it now - play after play after play. No more of this whining about being too hurt. Doc is brilliant, I say. As for those DST? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 3 Punt returns defended, 17 Defended punt return yardage, 5.6667 Defended punt return average, 5 Defended kickoff returns, 72 Defended kickoff return yardage, 14.4 Defended kickoff return average instead of playing. Overall though, the Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. in this game was Aaron Rouse. His useless effort yielded as many positives as a hydrogen ion.
"Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Allen Cummings grumbled, "Oh, they're harmless... a bit annoying too, I guess... Kinda remind me of Barney or Big Bird..." In response, the LLL coach exclaimed, "He and his lecherous team of cub scouts have all the football grace of a French eunuch trying to ride a bull suffering from mad cow's disease while reciting the
Gettysburg Address." |
