Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once used my mother's fancy plate collection as clay pigeons. My father, as apoplectic as a TV evangelist being audited by the IRS, told me to retrieve our last jar of dried beef. He then dragged me next to the firing range and lectured me on my error in judgement. To this day, I still wet my pants whenever I think of that memory. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to MHD today are the same. SRS has staggered MHD as though they were horses being sent to the glue factory, blitzing them by the tune of 81-12 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. SRS leads the all-time series 25-0 against MHD. SRS has a 10-0 regular season record. MHD has a 2-8 regular season record. Matt Ryan shot, "It's rough, ya know... When coach picked me up, I knew I was fated for misery. I mean, I find myself entrenched on the roster of the league punching bag." Brad Maynard said, "Word up... I ain't showed nothin' today 'cuz dey wuz cheating. No, I ain't sayin' dat... les jus say dat if the refs had any guts, dey woulda been throwin' their little yellow hankies all over 'round me. Da way I was disrespected out there was sick, dude." They looked unstoppable on the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 410 points, 253 on offense and 157 on defense. Kellen Winslow with 51 points on offense and Atari Bigby with 20 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "We had a few breakdowns. . For one, Kellen Winslow was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. Doc says that he's gotten much better since he's started the electroshock therapy... something about frontal lobes and things with molecular structures. It all sounded very clinical to me, but as long as it keeps him on the field, I'm all for it. As for those NT? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 1 Assists, 1 Passes Defensed, 1 QB Hits throughout the course of their pitiful performance. Overall though, the Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. in this game was Matt Wilhelm. His bad effort yielded precious little to praise. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Matt Wilhelm, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Chris Johnson added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Allen Cummings whined, "Thinking about them forces me to draw parallels between them and the Bulgarians." He was quick to add, "Erm, the Byzantine Empire had to deal with those clods... made themselves quite a nuisance 'til Basil crushed 'em and cut their eyes out - well, he left a couple of 'em with one eye so's they could guide the others home. I can't help but think that motivations such as that would help their cause." In response, the MHD coach exclaimed, "Hitler, Stalin... perhaps a few others... yeah, he belongs on that exclusive list, if you catch my drift. I sleep well at night, but given all the people he's no doubt stomped on to get where he is, I doubt the same can be said of him." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||