| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Rock N Rollers | 94 | 94 | 188 | 0 | | Home | Oakland Assassins | 143 | 152 | 295 | 54 |
| Oakland Assassins |
Rock N Rollers |
|---|
| I | Tom Brady QB NE | 0 |
| I | Matt Cassel QB NE | 0 |
| I | Matt Gutierrez QB ??? | 0 |
| S | John Beck QB ??? | 0 |
| S | Chad Henne QB MIA | 0 |
| I | Kevin O'Connell QB NE | 0 |
| S | Chad Pennington QB MIA | 21 |
| S | Josh Beekman OC/OG CHI | 4 |
| S | Rich Seubert OG NYG | 12 |
| I | Chris Chester OG ??? | 0 |
| S | Harvey Dahl OG ??? | 8 |
| I | Uche Nwaneri OG JAC | 0 |
| I | John Tait OT CHI | 0 |
| S | Marcus McNeill OT LAC | 7 |
| S | David Diehl OG/OT NYG | 14 |
| I | L.J. Shelton OT ??? | 0 |
| I | Jon Jansen OT WAS | 0 |
| B | J.J. Arrington RB ARI | 0 |
| I | Cadillac Williams RB TB | 0 |
| I | Andre Hall RB DEN | 0 |
| S | Ryan Grant RB GB | 15 |
| B | LaMont Jordan RB NE | 0 |
| S | Brian Westbrook RB PHI | 11 |
| I | Terrell Owens WR DAL | 0 |
| B | Justin McCareins WR TEN | 0 |
| I | Roy Williams WR DAL | 0 |
| B | Shaun McDonald WR DET | 2 |
| S | Koren Robinson WR SEA | 16 |
| S | Andre Johnson WR HOU | 17 |
| S | Nate Washington WR PIT | 7 |
| I | Devin Thomas WR WAS | 0 |
| I | Antonio Bryant WR TB | 0 |
| I | Joey Galloway WR TB | 0 |
| I | Jason Elam K ATL | 0 |
| S | Rian Lindell K BUF | 5 |
| S | New England OST NE | 0 |
| B | Bertrand Berry DE ARI | 1 |
| I | Jeremiah Ratliff NT DAL | 0 |
| S | Julius Peppers DE CAR | 26 |
| B | Turk McBride DE KC | 0 |
| B | Matt Roth DE MIA | 5 |
| S | Aubrayo Franklin NT SF | 0 |
| B | Vonnie Holliday DE MIA | 4 |
| S | Lance Briggs OLB CHI | 15 |
| S | Calvin Pace OLB NYJ | 16 |
| S | Trent Cole DE/OLB PHI | 12 |
| S | Ray Lewis ILB BAL | 20 |
| I | Bradie James ILB DAL | 0 |
| B | Hunter Hillenmeyer OLB CHI | 0 |
| B | David Bowens OLB NYJ | 2 |
| S | Gary Guyton LB NE | 1 |
| S | Sheldon Brown CB PHI | 1 |
| S | Cedric Griffin CB MIN | 5 |
| I | Fred Smoot CB WAS | 0 |
| I | Karl Paymah CB DEN | 0 |
| B | Craig Steltz S CHI | 1 |
| S | Mike Brown S CHI | 10 |
| B | Jim Leonhard S BAL | 2 |
| I | Jermaine Phillips S TB | 0 |
| S | Melvin Bullitt S IND | 10 |
| I | Al Harris CB GB | 0 |
| S | Chris Kluwe P MIN | 13 |
| I | Jeff Feagles P NYG | 0 |
| S | Philadelphia DST PHI | 8 |
|
| I | Jon Kitna QB DET | 0 |
| S | Trent Green QB LAR | 8 |
| I | Dan Orlovsky QB DET | 0 |
| I | Drew Stanton QB DET | 0 |
| S | Brock Berlin QB LAR | 0 |
| S | Marc Bulger QB LAR | -6 |
| S | Shaun O'Hara OC ??? | 10 |
| I | Andre Gurode OC DAL | 0 |
| I | Cory Procter OC/OG DAL | 0 |
| S | Eric Steinbach OG ??? | 0 |
| I | Vince Manuwai OG ??? | 0 |
| I | Marshal Yanda OG/OT BAL | 0 |
| I | Willie Colon OT PIT | 0 |
| S | Ike Ndukwe OL MIA | 11 |
| S | Damion McIntosh OG/OT KC | 7 |
| S | Mike Gandy OT ARI | 8 |
| I | Tony Moll OG/OT GB | 0 |
| I | Larry Johnson RB KC | 0 |
| S | Derrick Ward RB NYG | 10 |
| B | Julius Jones RB SEA | 3 |
| S | Steve Slaton RB HOU | 3 |
| B | Maurice Morris RB SEA | 1 |
| S | Rashied Davis WR CHI | 3 |
| S | Kevin Walter WR HOU | 20 |
| B | Bryant Johnson WR SF | 2 |
| B | Demetrius Williams WR BAL | 0 |
| I | Antwaan Randle El WR WAS | 0 |
| I | Chad Johnson WR CIN | 0 |
| B | Steve Smith WR NYG | 1 |
| B | Javon Walker WR LV | 1 |
| B | Domenik Hixon WR NYG | 0 |
| B | Jeff King TE CAR | 3 |
| I | Tony Curtis TE DAL | 0 |
| S | Jerame Tuman TE ARI | 6 |
| I | Ben Utecht TE CIN | 0 |
| I | Dan Campbell TE DET | 0 |
| S | Robbie Gould K CHI | 3 |
| I | Kansas City OST KC | 0 |
| S | San Diego OST LAC | 0 |
| S | Antonio Smith DE ARI | 0 |
| I | Patrick Kerney DE SEA | 0 |
| S | Marcus Stroud DT BUF | 10 |
| S | Kevin Williams DT MIN | 9 |
| B | Tommy Kelly DT LV | 4 |
| B | Kenyon Coleman DE NYJ | 1 |
| S | D.D. Lewis OLB SEA | 1 |
| B | Jarret Johnson OLB BAL | 2 |
| S | Tamba Hali DE KC | 1 |
| B | Jordon Dizon OLB DET | 3 |
| S | Paris Lenon MLB DET | 8 |
| S | D.J. Williams OLB DEN | 0 |
| I | Mike Peterson MLB JAC | 0 |
| S | Charles Tillman CB CHI | 8 |
| B | Nnamdi Asomugha CB LV | 4 |
| B | Terrence McGee CB BUF | 4 |
| B | Clinton Hart S LAC | 2 |
| S | Quintin Mikell S PHI | 3 |
| S | Michael Lewis S SF | 7 |
| B | Mike McKenzie CB NO | 1 |
| S | Jordan Babineaux DB SEA | 16 |
| I | Josh Bidwell P TB | 0 |
| S | Michael Koenen P ATL | 7 |
| S | Seattle DST SEA | 3 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
vile. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by RNR on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football.
And so now it stands that OA leads the all-time series 2-0 against RNR. OA has a 4-6 regular season record. RNR has a 2-8 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw OA has senselessly deluged RNR as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution 54-0 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd.
They were almost perfect on the OA squad particularly on the defensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 295 points, 143 on offense and 152 on defense. Matt Cassel with 33 points on offense and Julius Peppers with 26 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Adam Murgittroyd, "I took exception to our execution on a few plays.. For one, Jason Elam played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc says that he's gotten much better since he's started the electroshock therapy... something about frontal lobes and things with molecular structures. It all sounded very clinical to me, but as long as it keeps him on the field, I'm all for it. As for those OST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 2 Punt return, -8 Punt return yardage, -4 Punt return average, 1 Kickoff returns, 13 Kickoff return yardage, 13 Kickoff return average instead of playing. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was J.J. Arrington. His useless effort yielded an expletive-laden outburst from me, I must admit.
"Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Adam Murgittroyd exclaimed, "Oh, they're harmless... a bit annoying too, I guess... Kinda remind me of Barney or Big Bird..." In response, the RNR coach groaned, "Gosh... why are you even wasting my time looking for a comment about them? They're kinda like cockroaches - to be sure, they occasionally crawl out of the woodwork to be seen by all, but usually, they're lurking somewhere out of sight." |
