Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once tossed a frog in the microwave. My father, as angered as an environmentalist stuck in a room full of Bolivian slash-n-burn agriculturalists, told me to retrieve the meat grinder. He then thrust me into a cave and set the embers of my wisdom to flame. The scars of that memory live on today. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to TB today are the same. TSI has senselessly deluged TB as though they were palace eunuchs in a wrestling match, crushing them by the tune of 69-31 in front of a despondent home crowd. TSI leads the all-time series 10-7 against TB. TSI has a 6-5 regular season record. TB has a 7-4 regular season record. Peyton Manning noted, "Whoa... we got our backends handed to us today and that's for sure. Coach is steering us toward a high draft pick and a wasted season. I can only hope that he trades me to someone capable of winning before my career ends." Edgerrin James whined, "Word up... I ain't showed nothin' today 'cuz dey wuz cheating. No, I ain't sayin' dat... les jus say dat if the refs had any guts, dey woulda been throwin' their little yellow hankies all over 'round me. Da way I was disrespected out there was sick, dude." They looked unstoppable on the TSI squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 321 points, 207 on offense and 114 on defense. Jeff Garcia with 37 points on offense and Darren Howard with 17 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Al Burns, "We had a few breakdowns. . For one, Kevin Mawae played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc says that he's gotten much better since he's started the electroshock therapy... something about frontal lobes and things with molecular structures. It all sounded very clinical to me, but as long as it keeps him on the field, I'm all for it. As for those DST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 1 Punt returns defended, 20 Defended punt return yardage, 20 Defended punt return average, 6 Defended kickoff returns, 164 Defended kickoff return yardage, 27.333 Defended kickoff return average instead of playing. Overall though, the Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man in this game was Corey Ivy. His bad effort yielded a resigned sigh from his teammates. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Corey Ivy, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Usama Young added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Al Burns stated, "Let's see... something nice to say? Well, they're not the most repugnant team out there, but that's kinda like saying that Shockey isn't as annoying as that Owens clown." In response, the TB coach grumbled, "That owner of theirs kinda reminds me of a Matt Millen and Michael Jackson hybrid... all bluster, melting face, questionable personal tastes... not exactly the kind of person I'd invite to my child's birthday party." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||