Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. SC is quite the callow team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by SRS. OK, so not everyone who wears the uniform should be allowed to suit up. Such is most certainly the case for Alex Barron, the greatest goat this side of the fairytale land of satyrs, unicorns, pixies, and winning SC seasons. This journalist found himself maintaining sanity amidst the botched stumbling of Randy Moss and his sidekicks by drinking heavily and choking down moldy peanuts. Now, to SC's credit, they willingly subjected themselves to this game, knowing full well how it was likely to turn out, but I place a great deal of blame on SRS for opting for this game over a likely more challenging foray against the Vienna Boy's Choir. Randy Moss said, "Offensively, we saved our best for last, which is the best thing I can say for us. Heck, who am I kidding, man? Our best sucked." Alex Barron considered this when he said, "I'm very disappointed in myself, the way I played as one of the 60 leaders on this football team. It starts with me watching someone get the ball into the hands of the right guy and watch him making the plays... cheering on the others making the tackles... I did that. That falls on me. We're not going to win football games if they don't do their part." SRS prostrated SC like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den, maiming their egos by the tune of 67-5 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. SRS leads the all-time series 16-9 against SC. SRS has a 12-0 regular season record. SC has a 3-9 regular season record. Things went very well for the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 367 points, 204 on offense and 163 on defense. Trent Edwards with 57 points on offense and Brett Kern with 26 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "There were some mental breakdowns on both sides of the ball.. For one, Garrett Hartley kinda languished a bit out there. Doc says that if he spent a little more time working off the flubber in his midsection than 'clubbing' and getting fat on the buck-a-bucket combo at the KFC, well, his medical list wouldn't read like a copy of 'War and Peace'. Back in my day, 'clubbing' was something untoward that you did to baby seals . As for those DST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 3 Punt returns defended, 34 Defended punt return yardage, 11.333 Defended punt return average, 7 Defended kickoff returns, 154 Defended kickoff return yardage, 22 Defended kickoff return average while taking the day off. Overall though, the team goat in this game was Bryan Kehl. There's no love lost between these two clubs. Allen Cummings droned, "Sheesh... just mentioning their scaly hides makes me feel very unclean. They're wretched, infantile little sewer rats and I don't want to get dragged into a discussion about them. Any other questions? I need to bathe." In response, the SC coach said, "Sheesh... just mentioning their scaly hides makes me feel very unclean. They're wretched, infantile little sewer rats and I don't want to get dragged into a discussion about them. Any other questions? I need to bathe." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||