Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once tossed a frog in the microwave. My father, as angry as an animal rights activist stumbling into an NRA convention, told me to retrieve a bag of cement. He then pulled me atop the compost heap and set the embers of my wisdom to flame. At night, I still occasionally wake up screaming. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to DS today are the same. LLL has publically emasculated DS as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution, topping them by the tune of 44-37 in front of a despondent home crowd. LLL leads the all-time series 16-8 against DS. LLL has a 5-7 regular season record. DS has a 3-9 regular season record. Isaac Bruce waxed poetic, stating, "The win, see... dat's da importan' thing, peace, bro." When confronted with the reality that they had, in fact, lost, he blushed and added, "Yo man I ain't stupid or nothin'. I ain't talkin' 'bout no darned game... I mean them individual plays. That 3rd and 18 we had in the third quarter? You man, we gained six - count 'em, six yards on that play! That was an awesome end-around, man!" Brad Meester whined, "I told the guys that they were going to make a mistake somewhere and when they did it, I pulled up with a 'sore ankle' if ya catch my drift. No sense me gettin' blasted. When we're playing at our best, those mistakes don't happen and tonight definitely wasn't our night." Things went very well for the LLL squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 259 points, 175 on offense and 84 on defense. Brett Favre with 32 points on offense and Robert Mathis with 11 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Scott Lawrence, "There were some mental breakdowns on both sides of the ball.. For one, Ryan Fitzpatrick played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc says that he's gotten much better since he's started the electroshock therapy... something about frontal lobes and things with molecular structures. It all sounded very clinical to me, but as long as it keeps him on the field, I'm all for it. As for those P? They were utterly incompetent, gaining 5 Punts, 211 Total Punt yards, 42.2 Average Punt, 2 Punt Touchbacks, 1 Punts inside 20 throughout the course of their pitiful performance. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Michael Bush. His grotesque effort yielded nothing but the scorn of his teammates. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..." Says Michael Bush, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Michael Bush added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Scott Lawrence whined, "They stink, not in that 'festering sewage inside a porta-potty next to a dead, bloated cow floating in a culvert' way, but more in the 'the Vienna Boy's Choir has more football talent' way." In response, the DS coach blathered, "Gosh... why are you even wasting my time looking for a comment about them? They're kinda like cockroaches - to be sure, they occasionally crawl out of the woodwork to be seen by all, but usually, they're lurking somewhere out of sight." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||