Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once gave my brother's coin collection to a pair of destitute carnies. My father, as angered as an environmentalist stuck in a room full of Bolivian slash-n-burn agriculturalists, told me to retrieve the meat grinder. He then shoved me across the embers in the firepit and set the embers of my wisdom to flame. Even now, I walk with a considerable limp. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to LLL today are the same. DH has decaffeinated LLL as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield, whipping them by the tune of 57-3 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. DH leads the all-time series 23-3 against LLL. DH has a 10-2 regular season record (1-0 in this year's playoffs) having just won the Division Championship game. LLL has a 5-7 regular season record (1-1 in this year's playoffs) having just lost the Division Championship game. Matt Forte exclaimed, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Arnaz Battle exclaimed, "Word up... I ain't showed nothin' today 'cuz dey wuz cheating. No, I ain't sayin' dat... les jus say dat if the refs had any guts, dey woulda been throwin' their little yellow hankies all over 'round me. Da way I was disrespected out there was sick, dude." They looked unstoppable on the DH squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 349 points, 226 on offense and 123 on defense. Wes Welker with 32 points on offense and Justin Tuck with 14 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Raman Ohri, "Sure, I'm a bit concerned about a few things.. For one, Wes Welker played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc says that he's gotten much better since he's started the electroshock therapy... something about frontal lobes and things with molecular structures. It all sounded very clinical to me, but as long as it keeps him on the field, I'm all for it. As for those OST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 4 Punt return, 23 Punt return yardage, 5.75 Punt return average, 9 Kickoff returns, 191 Kickoff return yardage, 43.333 Kickoff return average over the course of the contest. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Willis McGahee. His awful effort yielded precious little to praise. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Willis McGahee, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Adrian Wilson added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Raman Ohri said, "I suppose every league needs a doormat. I feel some degree of scorn for them to be sure, but mostly, I just shake my head and watch them bumble their way from game to game with a sense of detached amusement." In response, the LLL coach quipped, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||