Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once electrocuted the dog with a toaster. My father, as angered as an environmentalist stuck in a room full of Bolivian slash-n-burn agriculturalists, told me to retrieve our self-help electroshock therapy kit. He then heaved me into a cave and taught me the meaning of life. The scars of that memory live on today. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to TSI today are the same. SRS has publically emasculated TSI like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den, bludgeoning them by the tune of 51-19 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. SRS leads the all-time series 9-0 against TSI. SRS has a 12-0 regular season record (2-0 in this year's playoffs) having just won the Superbowl. TSI has a 7-5 regular season record (2-1 in this year's playoffs) having just lost the Superbowl. Visanthe Shiancoe considered this when he said, "It's rough, ya know... When coach picked me up, I knew I was fated for misery. I mean, I find myself entrenched on the roster of the league punching bag." Ken Dorsey groaned, "It really doesn't matter, I mean, we lost the game. I had full command of everything that was going on out there, just like I thought I would. I mean, again, you try to practice hard to try and prepare you for the game, but when you get in game situation, you have to take care of the little things and I think we didn't do that today They were almost perfect on the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 368 points, 204 on offense and 164 on defense. Aaron Rodgers with 28 points on offense and Antoine Cason with 22 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "We have to get a lot better next week.. For one, Brett Kern was clearly showing some ill-effects from his intestinal parasite. His bones are made of flubber, so I don't think that's the problem. At least I wouldn't call that a break per se. Still, he's too much of a little baby to play with that little bruise. Broken vertabrae? I doubt that very much. It's clear who is here just to collect a check and frankly, I won't forget it. As for those DST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 4 Punt returns defended, 50 Defended punt return yardage, 8.5 Defended punt return average, 6 Defended kickoff returns, 127 Defended kickoff return yardage, 19.167 Defended kickoff return average while taking the day off. Overall though, the the most incompetant player in this game was Fred Bennett. His bad effort yielded a venom-filled snarl of anger from his position coach. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Fred Bennett, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this." Omar Gaither added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master." Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Allen Cummings said, "That owner of theirs kinda reminds me of a Matt Millen and Michael Jackson hybrid... all bluster, melting face, questionable personal tastes... not exactly the kind of person I'd invite to my child's birthday party." In response, the TSI coach considered this when he said, "He and his lecherous team of cub scouts have all the football grace of a French eunuch trying to ride a bull suffering from mad cow's disease while reciting the Gettysburg Address." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||