Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. RNR is quite the repugnant team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by OA. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to OA for pulling out a kipper snack, bludgeoning them and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game. Andy Dalton stated, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." James Ihedigbo considered this when he said, "I still can't believe that I've got this awesome gig, man. I mean, here I am, a player without talent earning millions of dollars to lose a game and look like a geriatric clown trying to do a birthday party for four-year-olds. You ain't gonna write this and get me in trouble, are you?" OA has senselessly deluged RNR as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution, bludgeoning them by the tune of 72-35 in front of a despondent home crowd. OA leads the all-time series 12-1 against RNR. OA has a 1-0 regular season record. RNR has a 0-1 regular season record. They looked unstoppable on the OA squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 344 points, 210 on offense and 134 on defense. Matt Ryan with 64 points on offense and Sio Moore with 24 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Adam Murgittroyd, "We had a few breakdowns. . For one, Keenan Robinson performed like a spasmodic violinist. His bones are made of flubber, so I don't think that's the problem. At least I wouldn't call that a break per se. Still, he's too much of a little baby to play with that little bruise. Broken vertabrae? I doubt that very much. It's clear who is here just to collect a check and frankly, I won't forget it. As for those OST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 5 Punt return, 48 Punt return yardage, 12.75 Punt return average, 4 Kickoff returns, 78 Kickoff return yardage, 40 Kickoff return average instead of playing. Overall though, the Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. in this game was Johnathan Cyprien. "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Adam Murgittroyd shot, "Nah, I don't have anything against them. They're kinda like little bunnies or maybe pop warner rejects.... kinda cute and all, but pretty impotent when it comes to football." In response, the RNR coach quipped, "That owner of theirs kinda reminds me of a Matt Millen and Michael Jackson hybrid... all bluster, melting face, questionable personal tastes... not exactly the kind of person I'd invite to my child's birthday party." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||