Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. HVC is quite the awful team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by SC. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to SC for pulling out the family shotgun, stomping their dead, bloated corpses and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game. Jimmy Graham exclaimed, "Offensively, we saved our best for last, which is the best thing I can say for us. Heck, who am I kidding, man? Our best sucked." Mark Sanchez blathered, "Word up... I ain't showed nothin' today 'cuz dey wuz cheating. No, I ain't sayin' dat... les jus say dat if the refs had any guts, dey woulda been throwin' their little yellow hankies all over 'round me. Da way I was disrespected out there was sick, dude." SC pulverizing HVC like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den, stomping their dead, bloated corpses by the tune of 45-25 in front of a despondent home crowd. SC trails the all-time series 7-19 against HVC. SC has a 1-0 regular season record. HVC has a 0-1 regular season record. They looked unstoppable on the SC squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 308 points, 198 on offense and 110 on defense. Julius Thomas with 42 points on offense and Lavonte David with 14 points on defense were the top scorers. Mistakes dampened the mood around the locker room somewhat. Said Coach/GM Matthew R. Watson, "I took exception to our execution on a few plays.. For one, Josh Scobee was as sharp as a sponge today. Doc was tellin' me that he's seen all the telltale signs of... oh, I forget the medical term for it, but basically, he's a screw-up because he just isn't that bright when you get right down to it. Shoulda known when my scouts mentioned that he rode the short bus. As for those OST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 5 Punt return, 24 Punt return yardage, 4.8 Punt return average instead of playing. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Tyrann Mathieu. Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Matthew R. Watson noted, "Nah, I don't have anything against them. They're kinda like little bunnies or maybe pop warner rejects.... kinda cute and all, but pretty impotent when it comes to football." In response, the HVC coach blathered, "He and his lecherous team of cub scouts have all the football grace of a French eunuch trying to ride a bull suffering from mad cow's disease while reciting the Gettysburg Address." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||