Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once ate my sister's homework. My father, as apoplectic as a TV evangelist being audited by the IRS, told me to retrieve the family shotgun. He then ordered me into the cellar and authored a novel on corporal punishment. To this day, I still faint at the sight of my blood. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to RNR today are the same. AW has beaten RNR as though the unfortunate loser were a snail dropped in a jar of saline solution, topping them by the tune of 72-14 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. AW leads the all-time series 14-9 against RNR. AW has a 2-0 regular season record. RNR has a 0-2 regular season record. Andy Dalton said, "The win, see... dat's da importan' thing, peace, bro." When confronted with the reality that they had, in fact, lost, he blushed and added, "Yo man I ain't stupid or nothin'. I ain't talkin' 'bout no darned game... I mean them individual plays. That 3rd and 18 we had in the third quarter? You man, we gained six - count 'em, six yards on that play! That was an awesome end-around, man!" John Sullivan gurgled, "It really doesn't matter, I mean, we lost the game. I had full command of everything that was going on out there, just like I thought I would. I mean, again, you try to practice hard to try and prepare you for the game, but when you get in game situation, you have to take care of the little things and I think we didn't do that today Things went very well for the AW squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 354 points, 252 on offense and 102 on defense. Antonio Gates with 43 points on offense and Andy Lee with 17 points on defense were the top scorers. Things were not all roses, however. Said Coach/GM Tim Shoemaker, "Sure, I'm a bit concerned about a few things.. For one, Jahri Evans played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. Doc was tellin' me that he's seen all the telltale signs of... oh, I forget the medical term for it, but basically, he's a screw-up because he just isn't that bright when you get right down to it. Shoulda known when my scouts mentioned that he rode the short bus. As for those DST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 1 Punt returns defended, 4 Defended kickoff returns, 116 Defended kickoff return yardage, 29 Defended kickoff return average throughout the course of their pitiful performance. Overall though, the team goat in this game was Brandon Linder. His wretched effort yielded an expletive-laden outburst from me, I must admit. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..." Says Brandon Linder, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!" Alan Ball added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!" There's no love lost between these two clubs. Tim Shoemaker noted, "Sheesh... just mentioning their scaly hides makes me feel very unclean. They're wretched, infantile little sewer rats and I don't want to get dragged into a discussion about them. Any other questions? I need to bathe." In response, the RNR coach groaned, "Let's see... something nice to say? Well, they're not the most repugnant team out there, but that's kinda like saying that Shockey isn't as annoying as that Owens clown." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||