| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Demonic Hordes | 170 | 124 | 294 | 30 | | Home | Blue Brigade | 199 | 110 | 309 | 38 |
| Blue Brigade |
Demonic Hordes |
|---|
| I | Shaun Hill QB LAR | 0 |
| I | Case Keenum QB HOU | 0 |
| S | Philip Rivers QB LAC | 49 |
| S | Kellen Clemens QB LAC | 0 |
| I | Sam Bradford QB ??? | 0 |
| S | Ryan Lindley QB ARI | 0 |
| I | Austin Davis QB LAR | 0 |
| I | Khaled Holmes OC IND | 0 |
| S | Chris Williams OG BUF | 7 |
| S | Stefen Wisniewski OC LV | 13 |
| I | Johnnie Troutman OG LAC | 0 |
| S | Brandon Fusco OG MIN | -1 |
| I | Jeromey Clary OG ??? | 0 |
| S | Phil Loadholt OT MIN | 0 |
| S | Sebastian Vollmer OT NE | 8 |
| I | Lamar Holmes OT ATL | 0 |
| B | Mark Ingram RB NO | 6 |
| B | DeAngelo Williams RB CAR | 0 |
| I | Shonn Greene RB TEN | 0 |
| S | Shane Vereen RB NE | 7 |
| B | Jeremy Hill RB CIN | 5 |
| B | Hakeem Nicks WR IND | 0 |
| B | James Jones WR LV | 5 |
| I | Wes Welker WR DEN | 0 |
| S | Victor Cruz WR NYG | 12 |
| S | Randall Cobb WR GB | 23 |
| B | Marcedes Lewis TE JAC | 4 |
| B | Gator Hoskins TE MIA | 1 |
| S | Martellus Bennett TE CHI | 23 |
| S | Vernon Davis TE SF | 15 |
| B | Zach Miller TE SEA | 2 |
| I | Matt Bryant K ATL | 0 |
| S | Shayne Graham K NO | 6 |
| S | Baltimore OST BAL | 10 |
| S | J.J. Watt DE HOU | 8 |
| I | Cedric Thornton DE PHI | 0 |
| S | Dan Williams NT ARI | 3 |
| S | Brian Orakpo OLB WAS | 5 |
| I | Kamerion Wimbley OLB TEN | 0 |
| S | Lance Briggs OLB CHI | 7 |
| B | Jonathan Casillas OLB NE | 1 |
| B | Junior Galette OLB NO | 3 |
| S | Derrick Morgan DE TEN | 5 |
| S | Larry Foote ILB ARI | 11 |
| B | Josh Mauga ILB KC | 3 |
| I | Derrick Johnson ILB KC | 0 |
| B | David Harris ILB NYJ | 3 |
| B | Erik Walden OLB IND | 4 |
| S | Paul Worrilow ILB ATL | 14 |
| B | Captain Munnerlyn CB MIN | 2 |
| S | Cortland Finnegan CB MIA | 4 |
| I | Tramaine Brock CB SF | 0 |
| I | Brandon Browner CB NE | 0 |
| B | Husain Abdullah S KC | 1 |
| S | DeAngelo Hall CB WAS | 3 |
| S | Dashon Goldson S TB | 15 |
| S | Patrick Chung S NE | 2 |
| B | Malcolm Jenkins S PHI | 6 |
| B | Dwight Lowery S ATL | 4 |
| I | Brandon Meriweather S WAS | 0 |
| S | Britton Colquitt P DEN | 6 |
| I | Donnie Jones P PHI | 0 |
| S | Minnesota DST MIN | 0 |
|
| I | David Fales QB CHI | 0 |
| S | Jimmy Garoppolo QB NE | 0 |
| S | Tom Brady QB NE | 25 |
| I | Jay Cutler QB CHI | 0 |
| I | Jimmy Clausen QB CHI | 0 |
| S | Russell Bodine OC CIN | 15 |
| I | Corey Linsley OC GB | 0 |
| I | Chad Rinehart OG LAC | 0 |
| S | Brandon Brooks OG HOU | 8 |
| I | Brian Schwenke OC TEN | 0 |
| S | Zach Fulton OG KC | 9 |
| S | Terron Armstead OT NO | 9 |
| S | Ja'Wuan James OT MIA | 3 |
| I | Seantrel Henderson OT BUF | 0 |
| I | Donald Brown RB LAC | 0 |
| I | Bishop Sankey RB TEN | 0 |
| S | Zac Stacy RB LAR | 9 |
| I | Knile Davis RB KC | 0 |
| S | Alfred Morris RB WAS | 23 |
| B | Steven Jackson RB ATL | 2 |
| S | Keenan Allen WR LAC | 12 |
| B | Anquan Boldin WR SF | 1 |
| S | Antonio Brown WR PIT | 18 |
| B | Brian Quick WR LAR | 4 |
| I | Rueben Randle WR NYG | 0 |
| I | Allen Robinson WR JAC | 0 |
| B | Niles Paul TE WAS | 9 |
| I | Brandon Bostick TE GB | 0 |
| S | Dwayne Allen TE IND | 10 |
| B | Larry Donnell TE NYG | 6 |
| S | Mike Nugent K CIN | 7 |
| I | Dan Carpenter K BUF | 0 |
| S | Tennessee OST TEN | 0 |
| B | Charles Johnson DE CAR | 1 |
| S | Olivier Vernon DE MIA | 7 |
| B | Corey Liuget DE LAC | 2 |
| B | James-Michael Johnson ILB KC | 2 |
| S | Jarvis Jones OLB PIT | 6 |
| I | Sean Weatherspoon OLB ??? | 0 |
| I | Brad Jones ILB GB | 0 |
| S | Cameron Jordan DE NO | 4 |
| S | Perry Riley ILB WAS | 9 |
| S | Brian Cushing ILB HOU | 6 |
| I | Kiko Alonso MLB ??? | 0 |
| I | NaVorro Bowman MLB ??? | 0 |
| B | Jelani Jenkins OLB MIA | 7 |
| B | Antoine Cason CB BAL | 11 |
| B | Shareece Wright CB LAC | 4 |
| B | Brandon Boykin CB PHI | 2 |
| B | Janoris Jenkins CB LAR | 2 |
| S | Tyvon Branch S LV | 11 |
| S | Jason McCourty CB TEN | 4 |
| S | Stevie Brown S NYG | 3 |
| S | Barry Church S DAL | 11 |
| B | Darian Stewart S BAL | 2 |
| B | Robert Blanton S MIN | 3 |
| S | Micah Hyde CB GB | 2 |
| B | J.J. Wilcox S DAL | 4 |
| B | Da'Norris Searcy S BUF | 4 |
| I | Marquette King P LV | 0 |
| S | Brett Kern P TEN | 6 |
| S | Green Bay DST GB | 11 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
Jay Cutler said, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Well no kidding, Einstein. DH was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. OK, so not everyone who wears the uniform should be allowed to suit up. Such is most certainly the case for Brad Jones, the greatest goat this side of the fairytale land of satyrs, unicorns, pixies, and winning DH seasons. This journalist found himself maintaining sanity amidst the botched stumbling of Jay Cutler and his sidekicks by drinking heavily and choking down moldy peanuts. Now, to DH's credit, they willingly subjected themselves to this game, knowing full well how it was likely to turn out, but I place a great deal of blame on BB for opting for this game over a likely more challenging foray against the Vienna Boy's Choir.
So now the series stands BB trails the all-time series 14-22-1 against DH. BB has a 2-0 regular season record. DH has a 1-1 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw BB has feasted upon DH as though they were horses being sent to the glue factory 35-30 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd.
Things went very well for the BB squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 304 points, 194 on offense and 110 on defense. Philip Rivers with 49 points on offense and Donnie Jones with 19 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man of the game goes to Brandon Fusco. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..."
Says Brandon Fusco, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this."
Dashon Goldson added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master."
Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Aaron Cook gurgled, "I'm not saying that this is true, mind you, but I'm not saying it isn't. I heard tell that that owner of theirs has been kidnapping small children and selling them on the Chinese black market. Do I respect him? Does anyone?" In response, the DH coach said, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." |
