Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. TSI is quite the incapable team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by TH. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to TH for pulling out our self-help electroshock therapy kit, bludgeoning them and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game. Chandler Jones blathered, "How about that offense, huh? Theirs, I mean, not ours. I pulled myself 'cause I didn't want to go in there and make anything worse.Yeah, this is going to be the nature of our team." Dan Orlovsky waxed poetic, stating, "No comment." When pressed, he added, "Get out of my face, man... I don't want to get fined for shoving that there microphone in a deep, dark crevass on your person if you catch my drift." TH has staggered TSI as though they were horses being sent to the glue factory, bludgeoning them by the tune of 16-15 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. TH trails the all-time series 10-17-1 against TSI. TH has a 1-1 regular season record. TSI has a 1-1 regular season record. Things went very well for the TH squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 272 points, 155 on offense and 117 on defense. Delanie Walker with 37 points on offense and Pat McAfee with 26 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM David Markfield, "We had a few breakdowns. . For one, Ryan Mathews played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. That procedure he had a couple weeks back... labotomy, I think Doc said - well, that thing has done wonders for his game. He just stands in there and takes it now - play after play after play. No more of this whining about being too hurt. Doc is brilliant, I say. As for those OST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 1 Punt return, -2 Punt return yardage, -2 Punt return average, 3 Kickoff returns, 65 Kickoff return yardage, 21.667 Kickoff return average instead of playing. Overall though, the team goat in this game was Charlie Johnson. There's no love lost between these two clubs. David Markfield noted, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." In response, the TSI coach droned, "Nah, I don't have anything against them. They're kinda like little bunnies or maybe pop warner rejects.... kinda cute and all, but pretty impotent when it comes to football." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||