Boxscore
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press) Nick Foles whined, "To say that we stunk would be unfair to skunks and unwashed monks, man. We were awful today! Do you see us getting any better in time for the next game, 'cause I sure don't. The guys played with no fire, the coaching was flat, and the playcalling was atrocious. Our execution? Yeah, I'm for it." Well no kidding, Einstein. HVC was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. awful. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by HVC on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football. So now the series stands MHD trails the all-time series 13-14 against HVC. MHD has a 2-1 regular season record. HVC has a 0-3 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw MHD has staggered HVC as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield 66-33 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. They looked unstoppable on the MHD squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 348 points, 215 on offense and 133 on defense. Russell Wilson with 38 points on offense and Jon Ryan with 20 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, the most incompetant player of the game goes to Tarvaris Jackson. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Tarvaris Jackson, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Michael Bennett added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " There's no love lost between these two clubs. Chip Riggs said, "Let's see... something nice to say? Well, they're not the most repugnant team out there, but that's kinda like saying that Shockey isn't as annoying as that Owens clown." In response, the HVC coach considered this when he said, "That owner of theirs kinda reminds me of a Matt Millen and Michael Jackson hybrid... all bluster, melting face, questionable personal tastes... not exactly the kind of person I'd invite to my child's birthday party." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||