| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Happy Valley Cougars | 151 | 66 | 217 | 28 | | Home | Demonic Hordes | 234 | 95 | 329 | 84 |
| Demonic Hordes |
Happy Valley Cougars |
|---|
| S | David Fales QB CHI | 0 |
| I | Jimmy Garoppolo QB NE | 0 |
| I | Tom Brady QB NE | 0 |
| S | Jay Cutler QB CHI | 27 |
| S | Jimmy Clausen QB CHI | 1 |
| S | Corey Linsley OC GB | 12 |
| I | Russell Bodine OC CIN | 0 |
| S | Chad Rinehart OG LAC | 5 |
| S | Brandon Brooks OG HOU | 5 |
| I | Brian Schwenke OC TEN | 0 |
| I | Zach Fulton OG KC | 0 |
| I | Seantrel Henderson OT BUF | 0 |
| S | King Dunlap OT LAC | 5 |
| S | Terron Armstead OT NO | 8 |
| B | Matt Asiata RB MIN | 9 |
| S | Donald Brown RB LAC | 12 |
| I | Bishop Sankey RB TEN | 0 |
| I | Zac Stacy RB LAR | 0 |
| B | Knile Davis RB KC | 4 |
| S | Alfred Morris RB WAS | 20 |
| S | Keenan Allen WR LAC | 28 |
| B | Anquan Boldin WR SF | 3 |
| S | Antonio Brown WR PIT | 37 |
| I | Brian Quick WR LAR | 0 |
| I | Rueben Randle WR NYG | 0 |
| B | Allen Robinson WR JAC | 3 |
| S | Niles Paul TE WAS | 17 |
| B | Jack Doyle TE IND | 3 |
| B | Larry Donnell TE NYG | 12 |
| I | Brandon Bostick TE GB | 0 |
| B | Dwayne Allen TE IND | 6 |
| I | Mike Nugent K CIN | 0 |
| S | Dan Carpenter K BUF | 5 |
| S | Buffalo OST BUF | 8 |
| S | Olivier Vernon DE MIA | 1 |
| S | Corey Liuget DE LAC | 3 |
| B | Arthur Moats OLB PIT | 1 |
| I | Jarvis Jones OLB PIT | 0 |
| I | Sean Weatherspoon OLB ??? | 0 |
| I | Brad Jones ILB GB | 0 |
| B | Cameron Jordan DE NO | 1 |
| S | Perry Riley ILB WAS | 7 |
| S | Brian Cushing ILB HOU | 11 |
| B | Kavell Conner ILB LAC | 3 |
| I | Kiko Alonso MLB ??? | 0 |
| I | NaVorro Bowman MLB ??? | 0 |
| S | Jelani Jenkins OLB MIA | 3 |
| B | Bojay Filimoeatu LB LV | 2 |
| S | Antoine Cason CB BAL | 2 |
| I | Janoris Jenkins CB LAR | 0 |
| B | Shareece Wright CB LAC | 4 |
| B | Darian Stewart S BAL | 4 |
| I | Micah Hyde CB GB | 0 |
| B | J.J. Wilcox S DAL | 3 |
| I | Tyvon Branch S LV | 0 |
| S | Usama Young S LV | 9 |
| S | Jason McCourty CB TEN | 6 |
| B | Stevie Brown S NYG | 0 |
| S | Barry Church S DAL | 6 |
| B | Danny McCray S CHI | 0 |
| S | Robert Blanton S MIN | 6 |
| B | Da'Norris Searcy S BUF | 5 |
| S | Bryan Anger P JAC | 18 |
| I | Brett Kern P TEN | 0 |
| S | Green Bay DST GB | 0 |
|
| I | Tom Savage QB HOU | 0 |
| I | Ryan Fitzpatrick QB HOU | 0 |
| S | Mark Sanchez QB PHI | 0 |
| I | Ryan Mallett QB HOU | 0 |
| S | Nick Foles QB PHI | 4 |
| S | Matt Barkley QB PHI | 0 |
| I | David Molk OC PHI | 0 |
| S | Jordan Devey OT NE | 3 |
| I | Justin Britt OT SEA | 0 |
| S | Tim Lelito OC NO | 0 |
| I | Jason Kelce OC PHI | 0 |
| I | Evan Mathis OG PHI | 0 |
| S | Ronald Leary OG DAL | 14 |
| S | Chance Warmack OG TEN | 5 |
| I | Kelechi Osemele OG BAL | 0 |
| I | Jeff Allen OG KC | 0 |
| I | Bryan Bulaga OT GB | 0 |
| S | Jordan Mills OT CHI | 10 |
| S | Lorenzo Taliaferro RB BAL | 13 |
| B | Denard Robinson WR JAC | 2 |
| B | Branden Oliver RB LAC | 3 |
| I | Isaiah Crowell RB CLE | 0 |
| B | Darrin Reaves RB CAR | 2 |
| B | Jerick McKinnon RB MIN | 5 |
| B | Latavius Murray RB LV | 0 |
| B | Chris Polk RB PHI | 1 |
| B | Donte Moncrief WR IND | 1 |
| I | Josh Gordon WR CLE | 0 |
| B | Denarius Moore WR LV | 0 |
| S | T.Y. Hilton WR IND | 21 |
| I | Jermaine Kearse WR SEA | 0 |
| B | Terrance Williams WR DAL | 7 |
| B | Ladarius Green TE LAC | 0 |
| I | Luke Willson TE SEA | 0 |
| B | Joseph Fauria TE DET | 0 |
| S | Crockett Gillmore TE BAL | 12 |
| S | Jimmy Graham TE NO | 33 |
| S | Jordan Matthews WR PHI | 8 |
| B | Vance McDonald TE SF | 0 |
| I | Justin Tucker K BAL | 0 |
| S | Cody Parkey K PHI | 5 |
| S | New England OST NE | 2 |
| I | Cincinnati OST CIN | 0 |
| S | Courtney Upshaw OLB BAL | 4 |
| S | Allen Bailey DE KC | 0 |
| B | Haloti Ngata NT BAL | 2 |
| S | Bennie Logan NT PHI | 3 |
| S | Cameron Heyward DE PIT | 6 |
| B | Jeremiah Attaochu LB LAC | 0 |
| I | Robert Quinn DE LAR | 0 |
| S | Mark Barron S LAR | 7 |
| S | Patrick Willis ILB SF | 3 |
| I | Kevin Minter ILB ARI | 0 |
| S | Avery Williamson ILB TEN | 7 |
| S | Gerald Hodges OLB MIN | 4 |
| I | Christian Kirksey ILB CLE | 0 |
| I | Aqib Talib CB DEN | 0 |
| I | Patrick Peterson CB ARI | 0 |
| S | Blidi Wreh-Wilson CB TEN | 5 |
| S | Bashaud Breeland CB WAS | 3 |
| S | Morgan Burnett S GB | 15 |
| I | Lamarcus Joyner CB LAR | 0 |
| S | Thomas Morstead P NO | 7 |
| S | Tennessee DST TEN | 0 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
Jimmy Graham shot, "We know it's going to be a hard-fought game when we play these clowns - tough, physical... It's important to win the physical football games because you put so much into it. We didn't do that today. Every time I looked up, I heard the crowd and I figured it was another turnover. It's tough to lose when you've worked all week. Mentally, you have to let it go." Well no kidding, Einstein. HVC was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. If Jimmy Graham's body of work exemplifies the high-point of your weekend, you know that you're on the losing end of a sordid, sick joke of a game. Words utterly fail to describe this romp into the realms of ineptitude. When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Standing here in the garish, filth-ridden stands of this now-empty stadium after the game, I got to thinking - such is truly the fate of both fans of the HVC squad. In the end, this team is just hopeless.
So now the series stands DH leads the all-time series 8-5 against HVC. DH has a 2-2 regular season record. HVC has a 0-4 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw DH overwhelming HVC as though they were horses being sent to the glue factory 84-28 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd.
They were almost perfect on the DH squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 329 points, 234 on offense and 95 on defense. Larry Donnell with 46 points on offense and Bryan Anger with 18 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, the most incompetant player of the game goes to Brad Jones. Some players need a bit more instruction than others. I've tried a few less orthodox teaching tools from time to time..."
Says Brad Jones, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal."
Bryan Anger added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated
Valkyrie... Man...
brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.'
"
"Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Raman Ohri whined, "He's beaten us a few times, but then again, he had to sell his soul to do so... a shrivelled-up, nasty little shell of a thing to begin with. No moral fiber at all, that one." In response, the HVC coach grumbled, "Sheesh... just mentioning their scaly hides makes me feel very unclean. They're wretched, infantile little sewer rats and I don't want to get dragged into a discussion about them. Any other questions? I need to bathe." |
