Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) When I was a young lad, I once used my mother's fancy plate collection as clay pigeons. My father, as unhappy as a politician running for re-election while in the midst of another scandal, told me to retrieve our last jar of dried beef. He then dragged me atop the compost heap and set the embers of my wisdom to flame. To this day, I still faint at the sight of my blood. I bring this up because the similarities between what happened to me then and what happened to KIR today are the same. RNR bludgeoning KIR as though they were horses being sent to the glue factory, bludgeoning them by the tune of 64-29 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. RNR leads the all-time series 5-2 against KIR. RNR has a 1-3 regular season record. KIR has a 3-1 regular season record. Justin Forsett blathered, "Offensively, we saved our best for last, which is the best thing I can say for us. Heck, who am I kidding, man? Our best sucked." Kirk Cousins quipped, "It really doesn't matter, I mean, we lost the game. I had full command of everything that was going on out there, just like I thought I would. I mean, again, you try to practice hard to try and prepare you for the game, but when you get in game situation, you have to take care of the little things and I think we didn't do that today They looked unstoppable on the RNR squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 272 points, 201 on offense and 71 on defense. Teddy Bridgewater with 41 points on offense and Michael Johnson with 16 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Randy, "We had a few breakdowns. . For one, John Sullivan kinda languished a bit out there. Doc says that he's gotten much better since he's started the electroshock therapy... something about frontal lobes and things with molecular structures. It all sounded very clinical to me, but as long as it keeps him on the field, I'm all for it. As for those DST? They showed their ineptitude by amassing 3 Punt returns defended, 86 Defended punt return yardage, 28.667 Defended punt return average, 1 Defended punt returns / Touchdowns, 3 Defended kickoff returns, 65 Defended kickoff return yardage, 21.667 Defended kickoff return average instead of playing. Overall though, the Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. in this game was Christian Ponder. His nasty effort yielded a seat alone on the ride home. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Christian Ponder, dragging around a cart full of dirty laundry, "Coach says he'll find a use for me in this system if it kills us both. Yo, just gimme a little slack, man. But this, goin' from starter not even to the bench... I'm bein' disrespected!" D'Brickashaw Ferguson added, "I ain't sayin' nothin'... OK, maybe just a little. Dude's even worse here than on the field. Starching everyone's straps? Using so much bleach it dissolves the danged cotton? I'm almost at the point where I want to go into Coach's doghouse just so I can get some properly handled laundry!" "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Randy grumbled, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." In response, the KIR coach whined, "Sheesh... just mentioning their scaly hides makes me feel very unclean. They're wretched, infantile little sewer rats and I don't want to get dragged into a discussion about them. Any other questions? I need to bathe." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||