Boxscore
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press) Drew Brees shot, "They came at us with some tough schemes, but we were able to put a few decent plays together. I think we can move the ball against anyone, stop anyone and we just didn't execute today." Well no kidding, Einstein. AW was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. repulsive. That word does not even begin to describe the game I saw today. Despite the ambient weather, I found myself looking upon the cold, dark, windswept gridiron of my soul, agonizing for three gut-wrenching hours as my eyes were forced to witness the utter lack of skill exhibited by AW on this particular day. By the end of the opening kickoff, I could already feel the nausea, the lurching in my stomach. By the end of the first quarter, I began to contemplate gnawing off my own leg to escape. My tears flowed as freely as the cheap beer consumed by the semi-sentients surrounding me, not for the defeated, but for the death of all that I thought was good and pure about football. So now the series stands TH trails the all-time series 3-12 against AW. TH has a 3-2 regular season record. AW has a 4-1 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw TH has senselessly deluged AW like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den 53-41 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. They were almost perfect on the TH squad particularly on the offensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 333 points, 228 on offense and 105 on defense. Demaryius Thomas with 47 points on offense and Pat McAfee with 15 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, Doc's been looking into a revolutionary new surgery - replace his hands with anything - stickum, chicken claws, even bricks would be an improvement. I mean, he drops balls as if they were live ferrets. of the game goes to Matt Hasselbeck. I've come up with a motivational plan for every player I deem to be failing to live up to their potential..." Says Matt Hasselbeck, sporting a nice lace evening gown, "Ya, coach says I played like a little girl so I might as well dress the part. I hafta practice in this thing. He calls me the fairy princess. Man, I'm callin my agent. This ain't parta the deal." Cordy Glenn added, "Shoot... he should know he can't fit in no D-cup! I tell ya, he looked like some sort of demented, bloated Valkyrie... Man... brings new meaning to the phrase 'when the fat lady sings.' " Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. David Markfield said, "I feel kinda sorry for them, to be honest. I mean, how can you be that inept, that pitiable? I guess they occasionally get my blood flowing, but for the most part, playing them is about as exciting as rearranging my sock drawer." In response, the AW coach shot, "Oh, they're harmless... a bit annoying too, I guess... Kinda remind me of Barney or Big Bird..." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||