| Off | Def | Total | Score |
|---|
| Away | Punxsutawney Chucks | 162 | 116 | 278 | 43 | | Home | Resistance is Futile | 199 | 76 | 275 | 42 |
| Resistance is Futile |
Punxsutawney Chucks |
|---|
| S | Kyle Orton QB BUF | 36 |
| I | Robert Griffin QB WAS | 0 |
| S | Jeff Tuel QB ??? | 0 |
| S | EJ Manuel QB BUF | 0 |
| I | Colt McCoy QB WAS | 0 |
| I | Kirk Cousins QB WAS | 0 |
| S | Eric Wood OC BUF | 0 |
| I | Ryan Kalil OC CAR | 0 |
| S | Zack Martin OG DAL | 8 |
| S | Mike Iupati OG SF | 6 |
| I | Larry Warford OG DET | 0 |
| I | Gosder Cherilus OT IND | 0 |
| S | David Bakhtiari OT GB | 12 |
| S | Jake Matthews OT ATL | 9 |
| B | Toby Gerhart RB JAC | 1 |
| B | Justin Forsett RB BAL | 6 |
| S | Darren Sproles RB PHI | 5 |
| B | LeGarrette Blount RB NE | 2 |
| B | Bernard Pierce RB BAL | 1 |
| B | Jacquizz Rodgers RB ATL | 0 |
| S | DeAndre Hopkins WR HOU | 14 |
| S | Sammy Watkins WR BUF | 18 |
| B | Mohamed Sanu WR CIN | 5 |
| B | Michael Floyd WR ARI | 1 |
| S | Brandon Marshall WR CHI | 9 |
| I | Mike Wallace WR MIA | 0 |
| B | Malcom Floyd WR LAC | 3 |
| B | Donnie Avery WR KC | 0 |
| B | Jermaine Gresham TE CIN | 3 |
| B | Rob Housler TE ARI | 0 |
| S | Zach Ertz TE PHI | 17 |
| I | Shaun Suisham K PIT | 0 |
| S | Stephen Gostkowski K NE | 27 |
| S | Chicago OST CHI | 12 |
| I | Cornelius Carradine DL SF | 0 |
| B | Quinton Coples OLB NYJ | 1 |
| S | Muhammad Wilkerson DE NYJ | 11 |
| S | Datone Jones DE GB | 1 |
| I | Margus Hunt DE CIN | 0 |
| S | Dontari Poe NT KC | 5 |
| I | Devon Kennard OLB NYG | 0 |
| I | Cameron Wake DE MIA | 0 |
| S | Dont'a Hightower OLB NE | 0 |
| B | Jamari Lattimore ILB GB | 5 |
| B | Bruce Irvin OLB SEA | 1 |
| S | Patrick Willis ILB SF | 9 |
| S | Lawrence Timmons ILB PIT | 7 |
| S | Bruce Carter OLB DAL | 0 |
| B | Craig Robertson ILB CLE | 1 |
| I | Manti Te'o ILB LAC | 0 |
| B | William Gay CB PIT | 2 |
| S | Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie CB NYG | 3 |
| S | Darius Slay CB DET | 6 |
| I | Trumaine Johnson CB LAR | 0 |
| I | Darqueze Dennard CB CIN | 0 |
| B | Matt Elam S BAL | 3 |
| I | William Moore S ATL | 0 |
| S | Donte Whitner S CLE | 4 |
| S | Thomas DeCoud S CAR | 10 |
| I | Dustin Colquitt P KC | 0 |
| S | Shane Lechler P HOU | 10 |
| S | Chicago DST CHI | -3 |
|
| S | Derek Anderson QB CAR | 0 |
| S | Cam Newton QB CAR | 19 |
| I | Tyler Bray QB ??? | 0 |
| S | Joe Webb QB CAR | 0 |
| I | Chase Daniel QB KC | 0 |
| I | Alex Smith QB KC | 0 |
| S | Jonathan Goodwin OC NO | 15 |
| I | Maurkice Pouncey OC PIT | 0 |
| I | Hugh Thornton OG IND | 0 |
| S | J.R. Sweezy OG SEA | 10 |
| S | Rob Sims OG DET | 4 |
| I | Erik Pears OT BUF | 0 |
| S | Andre Smith OT CIN | 10 |
| S | Tyler Polumbus OT WAS | 5 |
| B | Silas Redd RB WAS | 1 |
| B | Alfred Blue RB HOU | 2 |
| B | Ka'Deem Carey RB CHI | 0 |
| S | Ahmad Bradshaw RB IND | 9 |
| I | Knowshon Moreno RB MIA | 0 |
| B | Bilal Powell RB NYJ | 0 |
| S | Giovani Bernard RB CIN | 14 |
| B | Carlos Hyde RB SF | 1 |
| I | Tre Mason RB LAR | 0 |
| B | Larry Fitzgerald WR ARI | 3 |
| B | Nate Washington WR TEN | 3 |
| S | Dwayne Bowe WR KC | 8 |
| S | Garrett Graham TE HOU | 14 |
| S | Heath Miller TE PIT | 16 |
| B | Brandon Pettigrew TE DET | 2 |
| B | Brandon Myers TE TB | 1 |
| S | Brandon McManus K DEN | 19 |
| I | Matt Prater K DET | 0 |
| I | Saint Louis OST LAR | 0 |
| S | Tampa Bay OST TB | 6 |
| S | Desmond Bryant DE CLE | 2 |
| I | Randy Starks DT MIA | 0 |
| B | Elvis Dumervil OLB BAL | 2 |
| S | Sen'Derrick Marks DT JAC | 5 |
| I | Brandon Mebane DT SEA | 0 |
| S | Tony McDaniel DT SEA | 1 |
| S | DeAndre Levy OLB DET | 16 |
| S | Paul Posluszny MLB JAC | 16 |
| I | LaMarr Woodley DE LV | 0 |
| S | Kroy Biermann OLB ATL | 5 |
| B | Keith Rivers MLB BUF | 0 |
| B | Shaun Phillips OLB IND | 2 |
| S | Lamarr Houston DE CHI | 6 |
| B | K.J. Wright MLB SEA | 5 |
| B | Jason Worilds OLB PIT | 4 |
| S | Cortez Allen CB PIT | 14 |
| I | Josh Wilson CB ATL | 0 |
| B | Xavier Rhodes CB MIN | 3 |
| B | Dawan Landry S NYJ | 5 |
| S | Eric Weddle S LAC | 5 |
| B | Antoine Bethea S SF | 2 |
| S | Josh Robinson CB MIN | 0 |
| S | Troy Polamalu S PIT | 7 |
| I | Brandon Fields P MIA | 0 |
| S | Brad Wing P PIT | 7 |
| S | Cleveland DST CLE | 9 |
|
| Game Summary (Ralph Jones, NetFL Press)
Kyle Orton noted, "How about that offense, huh? Theirs, I mean, not ours. I pulled myself 'cause I didn't want to go in there and make anything worse.Yeah, this is going to be the nature of our team." Well no kidding, Einstein. KIR was bad. Awful. Grotesque. An embarrassment to the league, I dare say. Yikes! KIR has just completed a game in which they, proverbially speaking, gave my brother's coin collection to a pair of destitute carnies. To point fingers after this debacle would be unfair given that this most assuredly was a team effort - and that's the only positive spin I can put on the game.
So now the series stands PC leads the all-time series 6-1 against KIR. PC has a 2-3 regular season record. KIR has a 3-2 regular season record. The latest (what I shall laughingly call a) contest saw PC has staggered KIR as though they were an all you can eat buffet residing next to a weight-watcher's clinic 43-42 in front of a despondent home crowd.
They looked unstoppable on the PC squad even though they did not excel on either side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 278 points, 162 on offense and 116 on defense. Cam Newton with 19 points on offense and DeAndre Levy with 16 points on defense were the top scorers. All that aside, Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man of the game goes to Keith Rivers. In the end, these men are kinda like my kids. As any parent knows, from time to time, you just can't always get through to them without getting creative..."
Says Keith Rivers, pouring out of a far-too-tight yellow bikini, "I have nothing to say about this."
Jonathan Goodwin added, "Words fail me... got it? I ain't had a single night's sleep since coach made that call last Monday, man. I keep waking up screaming. I mean dang, man... time to put some time on the thigh-master."
Though the game was already decided on the field, apparently neither team was done. Glenn Good stated, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." In response, the KIR coach waxed poetic, stating, "Well, there's murderers, rapists, boy bands, and then there's that owner of theirs... Which is worst? Hard to tell sometimes." |
