Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. OA is quite the ascetic team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by SRS. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to SRS for pulling out our self-help electroshock therapy kit, emasculating them and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game. Jordan Cameron whined, "Whoa... we got our backends handed to us today and that's for sure. Coach is steering us toward a high draft pick and a wasted season. I can only hope that he trades me to someone capable of winning before my career ends." Brian De La Puente groaned, "Das why I get paid da big bucks, dawg! Ooh baby I was hot out there! Now if only dey woulda gotten me in on some plays we'da been breakin' scoring records and stuff! Offense, defense... don' matter to numba me... just wish them others around me would understand my value." SRS has repelled OA as though they were naught but a group of frenchmen on the battlefield, emasculating them by the tune of 49-20 in front of a despondent home crowd. SRS leads the all-time series 4-1 against OA. SRS has a 6-0 regular season record. OA has a 3-3 regular season record. They looked unstoppable on the SRS squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 377 points, 245 on offense and 132 on defense. Aaron Rodgers with 45 points on offense and Koa Misi with 18 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Allen Cummings, "Sure, I'm a bit concerned about a few things.. For one, Aaron Rodgers kinda languished a bit out there. Doc says that he secretes some sort of viscous slime from his arms when he gets hot. This in turn makes the ball, his uniform, his hands, whatever - kinda slick. If you look at many of his 3789 miscues over the year, you can see that often times, nobody even touches him and he falls down, the ball slips out of his hands, or he misfires on a play. As for those OST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 6 Punt return, 62 Punt return yardage, 10.333 Punt return average, 1 Kickoff returns over the course of the contest. Overall though, the as voted on by his teammates, the most worthless player in this game was Matt Flynn. "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Allen Cummings grumbled, "Oh, they're harmless... a bit annoying too, I guess... Kinda remind me of Barney or Big Bird..." In response, the OA coach stated, "He's beaten us a few times, but then again, he had to sell his soul to do so... a shrivelled-up, nasty little shell of a thing to begin with. No moral fiber at all, that one." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||