Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. DH is quite the pathetic team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by TSI. "You want fries with that?" Yep, we'll be hearing that from Will Beatty in the near-future after this week's performance. After a time, I began to play a game, counting the seconds between mistakes, waiting with giddy excitement while seeing that head coach of theirs as enraged as an elementary school janitor fresh out of Vomit-be-Gone. Tom Brady noted, "Our defense was stout - I mean, golly. Have you ever seen such an effort? I mean, except for those breakdowns that led to all those scores. For at least half of the plays, we were great though. It's something to build on is all I'm getting at." Will Beatty gurgled, "Das why I get paid da big bucks, dawg! Ooh baby I was hot out there! Now if only dey woulda gotten me in on some plays we'da been breakin' scoring records and stuff! Offense, defense... don' matter to numba me... just wish them others around me would understand my value." TSI has decaffeinated DH like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den, stomping their dead, bloated corpses by the tune of 13-0 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. TSI is all knotted up in the all-time series 3-3 against DH. TSI has a 4-2 regular season record. DH has a 2-4 regular season record. Things went very well for the TSI squad particularly on the defensive side of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 301 points, 142 on offense and 159 on defense. Carson Palmer with 40 points on offense and Ezekiel Ansah with 20 points on defense were the top scorers. Several mental breakdowns drew the coach's ire. Said Coach/GM Al Burns, "We had a few breakdowns. . For one, Rashad Jennings played about as well as a frog pithed by an epileptic first-grader. I've been working with Doc on a revolutionary new procedure... I won't go into the full details right now, but let's just say that he won't have an any excuse for dropping the damned ball anymore. As for those OST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 4 Punt return, 37 Punt return yardage, 9.25 Punt return average, 2 Kickoff returns, 29 Kickoff return yardage, 14.5 Kickoff return average instead of playing. Overall though, the Don't Euthanize After Disaster award - given to one blundering fool each week - was really difficult to decide on this go around. I promise the poor slob that I won't be taking away his livelihood. This week, the DEAD man in this game was Dan Orlovsky. "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Al Burns considered this when he said, "Nah, I don't have anything against them. They're kinda like little bunnies or maybe pop warner rejects.... kinda cute and all, but pretty impotent when it comes to football." In response, the DH coach said, "Who? Do they even play professional football?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||