Boxscore
| Game Summary (Earl Schmidt, NetFL Press) I get paid very well doing something I usually enjoy. There are, however, occasional games that I only report on under silent protest. Let me begin by being brutally honest. KIR is quite the disgusting team, wholly outclassed in all aspects of the game by MHD. I love football. The stale smell of rancid beer, the sweaty crowd of rabid fans, the cross-eyed and homely cheerleaders trying to incite us to collective ear-drum rupturing noise, the reverberating sound of vicious collisions, the poetic beauty of a laser-guided bullet pass crashing into the receiver's outstretched hands - yes, this is what I live for. This is what I saw today. Kudos to MHD for pulling out the family shotgun, blitzing them and definitively putting on the superior show, but overall, it was quite a frenetic, enjoyable game. Sammy Watkins shot, "Whoa... we got our backends handed to us today and that's for sure. Coach is steering us toward a high draft pick and a wasted season. I can only hope that he trades me to someone capable of winning before my career ends." Donnie Avery shot, "It really doesn't matter, I mean, we lost the game. I had full command of everything that was going on out there, just like I thought I would. I mean, again, you try to practice hard to try and prepare you for the game, but when you get in game situation, you have to take care of the little things and I think we didn't do that today MHD has publically emasculated KIR like a mink that suddenly finds that a family of mice has taken up residence in her den, blitzing them by the tune of 56-23 in front of a jeering and hostile crowd. MHD leads the all-time series 3-2 against KIR. MHD has a 4-3 regular season record. KIR has a 3-4 regular season record. Things went very well for the MHD squad on both sides of the ball last week as they racked up a combined 328 points, 202 on offense and 126 on defense. Russell Wilson with 59 points on offense and Anthony Barr with 20 points on defense were the top scorers. However, they were far from perfect. Said Coach/GM Chip Riggs, "I took exception to our execution on a few plays.. For one, Blair Walsh kinda languished a bit out there. Doc says that he secretes some sort of viscous slime from his arms when he gets hot. This in turn makes the ball, his uniform, his hands, whatever - kinda slick. If you look at many of his 3789 miscues over the year, you can see that often times, nobody even touches him and he falls down, the ball slips out of his hands, or he misfires on a play. As for those OST? They showed all the football grace of ballerinas as they filled the record book with 1 Punt return, 1 Punt return yardage, 1 Punt return average, 2 Kickoff returns, 46 Kickoff return yardage, 23 Kickoff return average instead of playing. Overall though, the team goat in this game was Tarvaris Jackson. "Dem's fightin' woids!": Fuel was added to the fire during the two teams' post game news conferences. Chip Riggs shot, "Thinking about them forces me to draw parallels between them and the Bulgarians." He was quick to add, "Erm, the Byzantine Empire had to deal with those clods... made themselves quite a nuisance 'til Basil crushed 'em and cut their eyes out - well, he left a couple of 'em with one eye so's they could guide the others home. I can't help but think that motivations such as that would help their cause." In response, the KIR coach blathered, "Let's see... something nice to say? Well, they're not the most repugnant team out there, but that's kinda like saying that Shockey isn't as annoying as that Owens clown." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||